Taking a Break

Things in my life have been unpredictable and busy. I am not sure if I will be blogging much anymore, or at least for a while.

Things with Matt and the boys are great. The boys are loving school and are getting ready for their fall break in a week. They are flying to join Matt's parents for a week, which they will love!

I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday. Surprisingly I have had very little to no pain at all. Other than repeating myself 5 times about my IV on the way home and not remembering hardly anything, things went great.

The real reason the blogging may be sporatic is that my dad is not doing well and I am not sure how much longer he will be with us. Things since July have been iffy with no help from any doctors. He has gone downhill this week, rapidly. His liver is not working and the cancer is still around the heart and the pancreas and growing. His heart is so weak they don't think they could do anymore chemo if they knew what to do. So right now things aren't looking good at all and I have a feeling that the next few weeks will be busy with him. I will try to keep you updated on him, or at least have Matt keep you updated. We will know around noon today if he is going to be hospitalized today.

We would appreciate your prayers. My prayers lately have been for honesty from the doctors, even if it is not good news, and that his pain can be managed so no matter how long he lives he is not miserable.

Processing the thought of losing a parent is different and new to me. I don't feel like it has truly hit me yet, but I am sure it will. Thank you all for your support, love and prayers.

One Week Down!

Well, I have survived my first week of training with my trainer, working out 6 days of the week, changing how I eat, and drinking more water than I ever imagined. I actually was surprised at how good I felt 24 hours after my first workout with Steve. I truly had anticipated crawling around on my hands and knees the day after and I was in pretty good shape. Sure I felt like I had worked out, but nothing horrible.

So I met with Steve again today. WOW! First of all, I made the comment that I should be able to handle my session better today b/c I have been doing cardio all week. He then reminds me that he wants it always to push me and that he will just have to push me harder. HUH? He trained me hard, I was more sweaty than I care to be, and then went over my food for the week. Let me just say I did well, really well. Let us all remember that I am paying Steve to work me hard and hold me accountable. I was trying to remember that when he questioned why I ate 1/4 cup of m&m's when I was hundreds of calories shy of my daily calorie goal, instead of making better food choices to fill those calories. SMILE! He had a point, and b/c he wasn't my husband I couldn't roll my eyes and ignore him. So I left and realized I was a hazard on the road b/c my arms could barely stay on the steering wheel due to muscle exhaustion! YIKES!

In all seriousness, Steve is a great guy who is doing his job. He keeps showing me I can be pushed more than I ever thought. Matt is in Denver this week on business. He is staying at a hotel, eating out daily....can't wait until he meets up with Steve Thursday night!!

Oh My!

So I just walked in the door from my first workout with my new trainer Steve. He truly is a nice guy. But I honestly don't know if I have ever worked out so hard in my life. And the most amazing thing is that I did no cardio! By the end of our session he said he could see it in my eyes I was nearing the end, I felt slightly sick and light headed. No pain, no gain??!?

What I found amazing was I knew when I was doing certain things, that if I would have been on my own or with Matt, I would have quit. But with Steve looking over me I dug deep and found my inner strength to finish up, all the while my body was screaming "NO!! QUIT!!" But I am too strong willed and proud to look like a wimp on my first day. So I made it. I did all of the exercises and weights, and then on my own did an additional 25 minutes of cardio. And now that I have a clear head, I am proud I did it I am amazed that I did it, and then I laugh that I am paying for this!

I was nervous and a little scared to go today. My perception is that others would see me and think all sorts of things. Then I realized a few things:
1) Most people look at me working out and are glad I am doing something about it.
2) If they think awful things, I don't know it, so what do I care?
3) My trainer thinks it's awesome I am working hard towards my goals.
4) My family supports me 100%
5) It's really about me and no one else.
6) It seems that every aspect of my life is better when my diet and exercise are in control.

I am excited about this new part of my life. Even if I can't walk or move my arms tomorrow!!

Steve's My Man

Don't worry, I am still happily married to Matt!! :)

But today I met a new man who is going to help me change my life. Steve.

Steve is my new personal trainer. I just spent and hour with him. He is kind, knowledgeable, driven...and he plans on kicking my hind end into shape. The funny thing is that when I signed Matt and I up for personal training sessions, I told the guys there to give Matt someone who will really work him HARD. Steve. I thought it was great when they were telling me stories about Steve and how hard he works people. Perfect for Matt, I thought. But the joke was on me, because not only is Steve training Matt, but he is my trainer as well.

In all seriousness, even though losing weight and getting into shape seems like something I should be able to do on my own, I am just not getting it done. Someone told me today I should not feel guilty about it, if in the end I achieve my goals. So I am not feeling guilty and Steve is going to work for his money! Already he has shown me a lot of things, and we didn't even have a "real" session. He took measurements, weight, body fat (that is fun!) and then told me very confidently that if I am serious about this that I can accomplish my goals. Sometime it is good to have someone who isn't related to you tell you you can do it.

I will keep everyone updated on my progress. I just wish the sessions weren't so expensive. I would use him until I met my goals. But even if he gives me a good start, it is better than where I am at! So here is to the start of my new journey to the new me!!

So Many Things in 2 Months

So it has been 2 months since I last posted. As I predicted, I was too busy with kids and summer to post. So I will sum up the important events that went on over the last 2 months:

1) Jake made it through his week at church camp and loved every minute of it. However, we did have to endure the 45 minute ride home listening to every camp song known to man! I think it brought back fond memories to Matt. Not to mention hearing stories of what the girls did to the boys and vice versa! I do think the girls won!
2) We went on a 5 day family camping trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We had a wonderful time and loved it! Vacations are getting more fun now that the boys are getting older, which brings me to #3.
3) Tyler started kindergarten!! ( I will post a picture later) I got a little choked up, only b/c it marks the end of a time in our lives with no more babies at home, but he was ready and so was I!
4) Jake started 4th grade!! UGH!! I am feeling so old!
5) We have remodeled the family room and basement. Matt has custom built shelves for the family room. I am happy to say it looks great and is ALMOST done!
6) Jake ran for student council and won! I am thinking lawyer or politician...have you heard him talk? :)
7) Matt climbed his first 14'ers with my brother Mark. They had a good time, got sick and sun burned but now have that sense of accomplishment that men have to achieve through physical pain. I can feel a sense of accomplishment when I am at a spa relaxing!! I don't know why they have to make it so hard.
8) Matt is now teaching 2 classes for UCCS and loving it. His small group is the sought after group that everyone wants to be in!
9) We had an uneventful, yet wonderful, labor day weekend.
10) We watched a great movie that I recommend to all: The Ultimate Gift
11) We are getting ready to embark on a new journey. We have hired personal trainers for a limited number of sessions, hoping that this will get us going in the right direction! We haven't started yet. I will keep you updated.

I have a lot of stories to tell, but thought I would do the summed up version today. I plan on posting more regularly so I can tell some of those stories! All in all, we had a great summer. I survived! The boys are alive and well! And it is time to get back into a routine and schedule. Hope you are back to read about our wacky and crazy life!

A Little Boy No More!

Jake is off to church camp for the week. Tyler and I took him up to Camp Golden Bell yesterday, which is up in Divide, CO. He was so excited to go!! He went to a shorter version of church camp 2 summers ago and loved it.

Jake has always been my jet setter. He has flown out to NYC by himself to meet up with family. He has gone to a 3 day camp at the age of 7. He doesn't know a stranger. So imagine my surprise when I got choked up leaving him at camp yesterday! I wasn't upset about leaving him. He has been away from me for days at a time since he was little. And while this will be the longest he will be away without being with family, I think what got to me was how amazing he is! I was leaving him at camp for a week where he did not know a soul, and he was just fine. He did not have any friends or other kids from our church going with him. He stood there and smiled and waved as I left, and was by himself with nobody he knew! How many of us adults would or could want to do that?

This time seemed like a milestone in Jake's life. He is no longer a little boy. I find myself asking "when did he leave the little boy behind?" Both of my boys have a stuffed Eeyore that has been their "blankie", so to speak. I don't know if Jake has been without it for more than 1 night at a time. He decided, when we were packing Sunday night, that he was at the age where Eeyore did not need to go everywhere with him, and that he would be just fine. GULP! While I am glad he reached that conclusion, it also supports my conclusion he is not a little boy anymore. Did I sleep well last night? I found myself, for the first time in years, waking up in the night praying for Jake and wondering if he was sleeping well.

I am sure we will have stories to tell you all. I know he is having fun and probably not missing me. Today he gets to ride a horse! But oddly enough, leaving him at camp this time felt more like leaving him at school for the first time. I sent him with stamped envelopes to send letters to his family. We'll see if we get one!

My Dad

I have not updated lately on the status of my dad. Most of you know that in January he was diagnosed with Lymphoma. It was pretty severe, throughout his body. He has had 6 rounds of chemo and was hoping his latest PET scan would show he was in remission and he would need only 2 more rounds of chemo. Sadly, this was not the case today.

My dad had his scan last week and went in for results today. The chemo got rid of most of the cancer. However, there are still 2 big spots, one around the pancreas and one in the aorta/diaphragm region, that the chemo has had little to no effect on. Obviously this is not the result the doctors were hoping for.

My dad's current dr. does not know what to do from here, so he is going to send him to an even more specialized cancer doctor in Denver. Things are up in the air right now. We don't know if anything can be done. If there is a possible treatment, we know it will be the hardest out there. The road ahead is not going to be easy, whether there is or is not anything that can be done. There is talk of some sort of stem cell treatment, where he would have all of his white blood cells completely obliterated in hopes to kill off the cancer. He would be quarantined for several weeks. Not fun. At this stage we don't even know if that is an option.

Needless to say, it is a hard day for my dad. Naturally he is disappointed and sad. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is the healer and that with God nothing is impossible. My prayers are not only for full restored health for my dad, but also for his heart and mind to be healthy as well. That discouragement will not set it and that he will keep up the positive attitude. I would appreciate your prayers as well. Thanks!

Miss Potter

Matt and I watched a wonderful movie last night. Miss Potter with Renee Zellweger. It was PG (nice for a change) and absolutely wonderful. If any of you have seen and enjoyed "Finding Neverland" with Johnny Depp, which is about the creator of Peter Pan, then you will also enjoy "Miss Potter". It is about Beatrix Potter, the author and illustrator for Peter Rabbit, along with hundreds of other children's stories. She is the best selling author of children's books of all time.

It was clean, sweet, magical, interesting and true. When it was over Matt and I both commented on how wonderful it was and how much we enjoyed it. Will it win any awards? Probably not. As always, Renee Z. did a great job. What is amazing is how ahead of the times Beatrix Potter was for her time.

So if you are wanting to see a clean, sweet movie this is it. Thoroughly enjoyable. I think Jake would have enjoyed it as well. Tyler is too young to, but older kids could really like it. It is nice to see family movies. This was even more fascinating as it was true.

Vacations and Summer

It has officially been one month since my last post. My father-in-law pointed out to me this past week that my last post was about school being out. My point exactly! School is out, which means I don't have much time. I also realize that there is a chance no one even reads this anymore. HA!

It is hard to believe that the first month of summer is pretty much over. Time has flown by and we have had fun. We spent quite a few days at the pool, had 2 weeks of swim lessons and then went on vacation last week to the Lake of the Ozarks. We were gone for 9 days, and it was great. We had a great time. Spent some time with Matt's parents in their new home, which is beyond beautiful. Then some friends from Iowa came down and spent a few days. It was a fun vacation and much needed.

The rest of the summer includes Jake at Nana and Papa's house until this Thursday, July 4th, Jake's church camp for a week, camping in the mountains for 4 days, the boys going to Nana and Papa's for a few days and then the week countdown to the start of school happens! It is crazy! We also want to head to Denver for a quick 2 day trip to go to Six Flags and a few other things there.

It has already been fun. The boys have had fun so far. Mom and dad have had fun and are still as sane as they were when school was in session. And it is 1/2 over. Who knows, it might be another month before I post again! Hopefully not. I will try to put up some pics of our vacation. What are you doing this summer?

School's Out!!

Well, it is officially the start of summer around here. Tyler finished his preschool career this morning and Jake should be home any minute finishing out his 3rd grade year! Time just seems to go by so fast. It is so weird to think that I basically have a 4th grader and a kindergarten child!

So we are off...we have a fun filled summer planned. Swimming, swim lessons, a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks, camping in the Rocky Mountains, $1 movies on Tuesdays when they are 1/2 off, library times, Elitch Gardens and the children's museum in Denver, church camp for Jake...we should be busy enough I won't go insane, but should also have enough down time they feel like they had a good break from school.

It is that time of year again! I am sure I should be able to entertain you this summer with stories I can guarantee will make you laugh. They might not be funny to me, but isn't there a word that describes taking pleasure from someone else's pain? :) No, it should be fun. And it will be nice to not be on as much of a schedule as we are during the school year.

What are your plans for the summer?

Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!

I had a great day today with the boys and Matt. They brought me a breakfast of waffles, strawberries and orange juice into bed! They were more excited than I was, I think. They got me the pedicure I had asked for, as well as new measuring spoons and cups. I know, not very exciting, but it was exactly what I was wanting. We went to church where I won the drawing for the free professional house cleaning!! WOW!! What a day! Then we went and had a BBQ at my mom's house. All in all, a nice and uneventful day, which is just how I like it. Both boys made me cards at school, which is so much nicer than a $4 Hallmark card. I like Hallmark, don't get me wrong, but with the ages the boys are, the handprint card from Tyler and the puppy pop-up card Jake drew were much more special and meaningful.

We came home. Matt took Jake out on his first run. And Tyler proceeded to demolish a small matchbox truck he found in the yard with a HUGE rock. It was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. He worked and worked on smashing this truck. It entertained him for at least 20 minutes. Then he came in, with a HUGE smile on his face, and showed off all of the smashed parts and proclaimed with such pride that he had used a big rock to do the deed. A moment I will remember forever.

The night ended with the movie "Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. I found it a funny movie. No award winner, but I don't think they all need to be. Honey, you did a good job this year!! Thanks!!

And thank you to all of the moms out there, who brought us all into the world, and swore up and down they would take us out!!

Smoking, drinking, sex and R ratings!

I was watching Good Morning America this morning and heard some interesting information about how they are going to make changes to the rating of movies. Right now, R ratings are based on sex, drugs and violence (and adult content). They are now going to include smoking to that list. I am pleased to see this. I think we have all gotten so accustomed to seeing people smoking in movies that we probably don't even think much about it. This does not mean that mentality is good.

As a mother of 2 boys, I try to monitor what they watch. It seems natural to say no to a movie that will have sex or drugs in it. But honestly, I don't know that smoking is something I thought of very much. The boys are hilarious when we are out in public. They will, in their not-so-quiet voices, point and say "that person has a smoker". They call cigarettes "smokers".

I am so happy to see this tightening down on the standards. I think there needs to be more. And I think television should definitely follow suit. I am tired of not being able to turn on the TV at 7pm with my kids in the room because even the sitcoms that air at that time are unacceptable for my kids. I remember when it was television programming for the family until 9pm. There are very few shows on now, on the major channels, that I feel my boys can watch. That is one of the reasons why we have cable. It is a huge frustration with me, but I think society has just accepted the changes and we just move on and deal with it.

Kudos to the people who changed the movie rating system to include smoking!!

Are mom's made for video games???

Tyler is our "gamer". That kid LOVES to play video games. He loves to rent new games. And I have never played with him, or even with Matt and Jake...until today. Matt and Tyler decided last night that I would be able to play Tyler's latest rental "Over the Hedge". So this afternoon I headed to the basement with my 5 year old....

I am not made for video games. I have a headache. I am frustrated. I got beat by my 5 year old. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like I had not control. Tyler had to tell me what buttons to push. Tyler yelled at me because I wasn't helping him out! UGH!!

But I will say this- he was SO happy I played with him. He smiled the whole time. He laughed and laughed at me. The first words out of his mouth when Jake got home from school were "mom played video games with me!" It might not have been my first choice of how I would spend my afternoon...but then again, once you have kids their first choice often becomes yours.

An Honor and Priviledge!

Since moving to Colorado Matt and I have developed several new friendships. One has been with someone who is actually from Iowa, and whose family actually started going to Matt's home church about 11 years ago. Caydee and Jason Bell moved here in August. We had never met them, but one day in church we turn around and Caydee and her sister Cayla are sitting a few rows behind us. From that day forward a friendship was forged. It would be a great story for me to say that the 2 couples have become amazing friends, BUT- in October Jason was deployed to Iraq. He is JAG, and is there on his 2nd tour. So, while Caydee has become one of my closest friends, Jason has not been here. They have 2 boys. Caydee and I just clicked like we had known each other forever. Matt and Jason are similar, and have emailed back and forth some, but once home we have no doubt the friendship there will grow. But Sunday night our friendship took a turn. We went to a new level...

Caydee found out in September she was pregnant with their 3rd child. (not planned) Matt and I, along with our church and life group, have been her support here. Her sister Cayla lives here too, so she has been there also. A while ago Caydee asked me if I would be in the delivery room with her, to help take pics and video of the birth for Jason. WOW! I consider this an honor. So Sunday night my phone rang and we were ready to go! I spent Sunday night and the wee hours of Monday morning with Caydee, and at 3:39 am Monday May 7th, Olivia Jane Bell was born! And I got to be there!! Matt was integral in emailing Jason updates and phone numbers. Mom and baby are great! And the good news is Jason will be home Friday or Saturday for a 2 week leave. I am so glad God gives us friends. While some are for times and seasons, some are for forever!!

A date and new things!

So Jake and I have had a great weekend! Friday night he had a friend over, which was fun for him since Tyler wasn't here. He is always so good to let Tyler hang out with him and his friends, but I think he enjoyed it just being him and his friend. Saturday we went to Olive Garden for lunch. He kept talking about this dessert he thought would be good, so I surprised him at the end and ordered it for the two fo us to share. I wish I would have had a camera to snap a pic of his face when he realized we were getting dessert! We then went and saw "Meet the Robinsons" 3D. It has been nice, although we both admitted that while it has been nice, we both miss Matt and Tyler and can't wait for them to get home. It was nice to hear those words out of Jake's mouth. He almost sounded shocked when he said he missed Tyler! :) We talked about how our family isn't complete until we are all together, the 4 of us. So it has been nice, enjoyable, and now it is time to get back to normal.

The other exciting news is that Mark and Teri have added to their family, and I now have a niece!! She is a 3 year old Akita dog! This might be their only contribution to me, as far as being an aunt. So we are headed over there today to meet Daisy Mae. I will snap a picture and be the proud aunt!!! HA!

The other thing I am so excited about is our friends Adam and Shannon from our Tulsa days are in the process of adopting a baby girl from Guatemala. This week Shannon is in Guatemala spending time with Analise. She doesn't get to bring her home yet, but she did get to be "mommy" for the week. I am so excited for them both! Analise is beautiful and the look on Shannon's face says it all. Pictures say a thousand words! Congrats!!

Another snow day and a great movie!

Yes, another snow day for the boys!! Only this morning I woke up to completely clear roads, a lot of sun, and a lot of the snow already melting. I have quit trying to figure out why they call snow days and why they don't.

In light of the fact I was home with the boys again, we ventured to the $1 movies. We went and saw "Arthur and the Invisibles". I went into this movie thinking I would go because the boys wanted to see it, but found myself really enjoying it. I thought it would be all cartoon and it wasn't. We left, and Jake immediately said how great it was. It was excellent, and I highly recommend it as a family movie. It is so nice to be able to take the kids to a movie and not worry about what they are going to hear or see, or even what is being implied.

Now they are anticipating Shrek 3 and Spiderman 3! Spidey is one where Matt and I will have to go see it first. They have watched the first two, and seemed to be fine with the intense good vs. evil, but we still need to make sure there are no major things in it that we won't want to them to see.

Summer is a great time for movies!! I am anxious to see what else will be out!

Who gets snow days at the end of April?

As some of you may have read on Matt's blog, today we had a snow storm! Over on our side of town we had white out conditions for most of the day. It is just now letting up and it is near 7pm. They say there is usually a good snow in March, but May 1 is in one week! It actually was pretty and would have been great in Jan or Feb!

Matt and Tyler are headed out on Thursday until Sunday. Matt is dropping Tyler off at his parents house for a few days and Matt is headed to Lincoln for his fraternity's annual alumni weekend. Many of you probably don't know that Matt started a Christian frat when we were at school at Nebraska Wesleyan. When he started it there were just a handful of guys, but now there are 20+ every year, some years more than that. They have a house they rent, where some of the guys live. This was a God-given idea to Matt and it has since been used to build college men's walk with God as well as occasionally getting some guys to start a relationship with Jesus for the first time. It is something Matt doesn't ever talk about, as far as his involvement in starting it, but I am so proud of him for doing it.

With 2 of the boys gone, that leaves Jake and I home for the weekend. He already has one date night planned. I am looking forward to some one-on-one time with him. Especially since he is getting older, and I am aware there will come a time when he really doesn't want to have a date with me. As he is getting older I am trying to figure out a way to make sure our relationship stays strong. I don't want him leaving home to go to college and never caring if he comes home again and sees me or not. I think open communication is important. Any ideas, thoughts or suggestions? Granted, I have some time to think this through, but the last 9 years have gone by quickly.

Anyway, not much else going on here, other than SNOW! I also heard there were tornadoes in parts of CO and then in the tornado belt of TX, OK and MO. Hmm.....

Happy Things

So a few posts ago I listed out some of the things that annoy me. Matt and I have joked about how he is behind a lot of them! HA! So I thought I would focus my efforts this time on things that make me happy, in no particular order!

1) Being with Matt and the boys
2) Reading a good book
3) Having lunch or dinner with friends
4) Hearing the boys laugh
5) Hitting golf balls
6) Going out with my honey!
7) Playing cards- especially Pinochle
8) Family night
9) Going to a movie
10) Praising God!!
11) Getting good sleep
12) Finding a good bargain!
13) Having a clean house
14) Going on vacation with Matt
15) Going on vacation with Matt and the boys
16) Getting emails from friends
17) Christmas time
18) Skiing
19) Baking
20) Entertaining good friends

There they are!! I told you I would have a happier post!!

Finally a Normal Weekend?

It is Sunday night and I am happy to report that we were home all weekend!! I threw a baby shower for a friend, but other than that it was a normal weekend of being home. I just don't know what to do with myself!!

Okay, okay...maybe not totally normal! Thursday night we sold our 4Runner to a couple who called that afternoon, came and drove it and then paid us cash for it! While this was great news for us, it also left us with the issue of being a one car family. I think for a minute Matt thought that might be okay for a while until I reminded him that Tyler needs to be picked up from preschool every day at 11:15, and that he is driving back to Lincoln for a fraternity alumni weekend this coming Thursday. Oh- maybe we should buy a new car. So Friday was spent car looking./shopping, and at the last place we just drove through for the heck of it we found a van we were wanting with everything we wanted in it (except a dvd player which we will have installed tomorrow) for a great price! Friday night we headed out to our pastor's house for a get-together with Jake in the back of the new van. We pulled into their yard to park and all of the sudden we heard the noise that all parents dread hearing- the sound of puke everywhere!!!! IN MY NEW VAN WE HAVE ONLY HAD FOR 2 HOURS!!!! I have since repented that my attitude was so wrong, but that was my reaction! Jake was sick Friday night and Saturday...but I had a baby shower to give for my dear friend Caydee!

After the baby shower we spent the afternoon watching a movie, watching UFC that night and writing some songs with my brother and SIL. And today was great with the family going to hit golf balls and teaching Tyler to ride a bike without training wheels, while Jake was riding his new bike! I know it all seems so boring, but for us, after being busy for months on end, it felt so good. We need more of this kind of life I have decided. Everyone seems so much more content, mom and dad included!! That was my weekend. How was yours?

Realizations

I have realized lately how blessed Matt and I are here in Colorado. We are very close to my brother and sister-in-law (Mark and Teri), I am able to be here with my dad through his cancer battle, I see my mom and she has been going to church with us, we have an unbelievable church, even more amazing friends, Matt has a good job, the kids are well adjusted and happy- those are my blessings. (not to mention our latest "fraud" story, which you will have to read Matt's blog to find out about)

The last few months I have done a lot of soul searching. I have decided to cut out the things in my life I no longer need nor want. I have decided I need to come to grips with the fact that I don't need other people thinking highly of me to feel good about myself. I have decided that some relationships are one sided and I don't need that. I have decided that sometimes it is better to cut losses and be done. I have decided that I should surround myself with people who appreciate me. I need to be in relationships that are both giving and receiving, not one-sided. I just don't have the energy any more to give and give with nothing in return. I think I am growing old and it is starting to show up in areas like these.

I have also decided that sometimes coming to realizations is not fun or easy, yet necessary. It is especially hard for me, being a people pleaser. Some people you can never please, no matter what you do or what your intentions are. That is hard for me to understand, yet Matt doesn't see what is so hard about it. There are times when I wish I could compartmentalize like Matt does. It would be very helpful, but I just can't do it very well. I went to a conference once and attended a workshop called "Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti". This is so true. Matt can be upset with someone, yet it doesn't affect any other areas of his life (compartmentalizing). I can be upset and it runs into everything else in my life, not even related to the upsetting issue (spaghetti). So I think it is because I am spaghetti and not a waffle that I have chosen to cut things back or out of my life. I don't know any better way to handle it, and frankly I don't want to anyway.