Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Christmas and Snow

Sunday morning we woke to our first snow of the season. It was fluffy not deep but more than a dusting. Tyler could not figure out why we were going to church since it was snowing. So we loaded into the van and listened to Christmas music on the way to Walmart to pick out the boys' pumpkins to carve for Halloween.

I have never cared much for Halloween. But Christmas is a whole different ball game. I love it! I love the decorations. I love the feel everywhere. I love shopping. I love giving gifts to people. I love spending time with family. I love the music. I love sitting by the tree at night with no other lights on but the tree lights, drinking hot coco and snuggling up to my honey. I just love it.

So I have started my list of things to purchase in the next 2 months. I already have a good start for the boys, but am not done. It is a hard balance for Matt and I, since I like to shop EARLY and he loves the thrill of shopping on the 23rd, or better yet the 24th.

The first snow always puts me in the mood for the holidays. I cannot believe they are almost here, already. It seems like we just put everything away from last year. But I am gearing up and getting ready. And remember, Christmas is 2 months from this Thursday! So get your lists ready and let the shopping begin!!!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Big News!

I just had to blog about my youngest son. He just learned an important milestone in life last night. I wish I had taken a picture to show you, but I didn't. Sorry.

Last night I went outside to see my youngest son Tyler riding his bike, all by himself with no training wheels!! The smile on his face said it all. We have tried off and on to work with him, with no results. So last night something clicked and off he went. I think he feels like he is finally a "big boy". He is thrilled he can ride with Jake and the other neighbor kids and not have to tag along way behind on his scooter.

Another few things:
1) showed me yesterday at a park that he can now do the monkey bars
2) asked me the other night, "Mommy, if you died would daddy get a new girl?"
3) told me this afternoon that going down the driveway and hitting a bump on his bike was a "nutcracker", which I later informed him (after I went inside and laughed my head off) that we should not call his "parts" "nuts".

My question is why I am always the one to have to deal with everything? Where is Matt when I need him? So the best is when I called Matt to tell him about the "nutcracker", to which he says "that is awesome!" Maybe there is a reason I deal with it all!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

How do I give this a title?

In the last few weeks life has been crazy, hectic, busy...but I am still here, smiling most days, appreciating life.

My dad got out of the hospital last Tuesday night. At 8pm, Matt and I and Mark and Teri went over to dad's house for a "meeting". The good news was that dad was feeling well enough to go home. The stent they put in his liver was working, so the immediate threat due to the failing liver was over.

The bad news: the biopsy showed that the remaining cancer is pancreatic cancer which had metastasized to other areas. There areas are not confirmed, but doctors think it has spread to the liver, adrenal gland and around his aorta. One doctor gave him 6-12 months. Another doctor told him if he got 6 good months he would be a blessed man.

While I have thought since January that this whole situation really wasn't good, for some reason I had a hard time with this news. It was finally real. And now the process begins of helping him live life and then helping him let go when the time comes. He specifically asked us if we could do those two things. And while logic says "yes", it was very hard to process.

I am very sad, for multiple reasons. How do you say goodbye to someone you love, forever? How do I prepare my heart to let him go? How will life be without knowing I can pick up the phone to call him? How weird will it be on my birthday not to hear from him? Or any of the holidays? Will my boys remember him? Will he be scared to die? The list goes on.

The one thing I can always count on and rest in is that God is with me. The joy of the Lord is my strength. He is the best comforter there is. He brings me peace when I feel none. And the best news of all is that I do know my dad will be in heaven when it's his time. And while that is not necessarily comforting right now, I know it will be at the right time.

Saturday, October 06, 2007


I must say that the last week of my life has not been fun. When I think about it all I am surprised at how we handle stress. So here was my last week in bullet points:

* Last Thursday I had 2 wisdom teeth out. That went great, no problems.

* Friday my dad takes a turn for the worse. He really starts not feeling well. His liver seems to be slowly shutting down.

* Saturday I head over to dad's house. I walked out on his deck to say hi, as he is sitting in the sun due to his jaundice, and am literally shocked at how he looks. He looked like he was 75 and about to die! WOW! While I am there hanging out, the reality of him dying hits me- HARD! I have been keeping a realistic outcome since January about him, but for some reason this day I could barely handle it. I had emotions I didn't know I would have. I will post another day about those. So while I am there I start feeling like I am getting a fever, which prompts me to leave.

* The next 3 days I am home in bed with a fever, shivering, every ounce of my body aching to the point that I can barely walk.

* Tuesday went over and hung out with dad in the afternoon. He had a procedure done on Monday, so I thought I would go spend time with him. I left at 2pm, by 5'ish he was going downhill fast. By 8pm he was in the ER with his blood pressure 70/40 and in horrible pain.

*Thursday I had one kid home due to no 1/2 day kindergarten. The other came home with the flu by 9:30 that morning. I had one of the worst headaches I have ever had, which sent me to the chiropractor 2 times in one day. I cooked a bunch of Mexican food for a get together Matt was having Friday night at our house for one of the classes he is teaching.

* Friday I met with my trainer. We did weigh in and measurements. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since we started meeting. I lost 10 lbs and 1 1/2 inches off of my waist and hips! I also got another awful headache. Matt had 10 freshman over for dinner.

* Dad is still in the hospital. Everything is taking a turn for the worse. More and more problems are occurring. I honestly don't know if he will get out. I am heading there this afternoon.

* We have our church life group here tomorrow night. The boys leave Monday to go be with Matt's parents for a week. The timing really couldn't be more perfect for them to be gone. It will free me up to see dad as much as I want, and will also give me some time to try and rest and recuperate.

Thanks for listening. I am believing that next week will be better. Maybe not all aspects, but there are some I could do without. Dad will still be sick, but I don't have to be. Have a good weekend!