I have realized lately how blessed Matt and I are here in Colorado. We are very close to my brother and sister-in-law (Mark and Teri), I am able to be here with my dad through his cancer battle, I see my mom and she has been going to church with us, we have an unbelievable church, even more amazing friends, Matt has a good job, the kids are well adjusted and happy- those are my blessings. (not to mention our latest "fraud" story, which you will have to read Matt's blog to find out about)
The last few months I have done a lot of soul searching. I have decided to cut out the things in my life I no longer need nor want. I have decided I need to come to grips with the fact that I don't need other people thinking highly of me to feel good about myself. I have decided that some relationships are one sided and I don't need that. I have decided that sometimes it is better to cut losses and be done. I have decided that I should surround myself with people who appreciate me. I need to be in relationships that are both giving and receiving, not one-sided. I just don't have the energy any more to give and give with nothing in return. I think I am growing old and it is starting to show up in areas like these.
I have also decided that sometimes coming to realizations is not fun or easy, yet necessary. It is especially hard for me, being a people pleaser. Some people you can never please, no matter what you do or what your intentions are. That is hard for me to understand, yet Matt doesn't see what is so hard about it. There are times when I wish I could compartmentalize like Matt does. It would be very helpful, but I just can't do it very well. I went to a conference once and attended a workshop called "Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti". This is so true. Matt can be upset with someone, yet it doesn't affect any other areas of his life (compartmentalizing). I can be upset and it runs into everything else in my life, not even related to the upsetting issue (spaghetti). So I think it is because I am spaghetti and not a waffle that I have chosen to cut things back or out of my life. I don't know any better way to handle it, and frankly I don't want to anyway.