Monday, January 29, 2007

I Am A Priority

I have started a new (revisited) journey in my life. I am on a weight loss journey. I know, everyone is this time of year, and I am one of them. I have been at it a week. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days and worked out an hour a day. I found a great internet tool to help me track my food and exercise. My first week I lost 3.5 lbs!

This post is actually not about my weight loss, although I am proud of it. What it has taken for me to do this has been putting myself above a lot of other things. I go to the gym the minute all 3 boys head out to school and work. By the time I am home and showered, it is almost time to get Tyler from preschool, which means my mornings are pretty much shot due to working out. I have thought about all of the things I could be getting done in the time I am spending working out, and they are numerous. Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, organizing my home-especially my kitchen. There are actually some of those things I like to do and there is a huge part of me that would prefer to take the time to get things around the house done so I feel better about my life. Then I realized that working out and losing weight does make me feel better about my life. Being in control of me feels great. It is okay if the house doesn't look as good as I would like, if it means I am working out, getting in shape and losing weight.

When do we, especially women, quit being so self-centered and start putting ourselves in last place on the priority chart? This is something I have put on myself. Matt has always supported me in anything I have wanted to try and do, even if it means he helps out more around the house, etc.. I have realized there will always be clothes to wash, dry, iron and put away. There will inevitably be dirt in my home. There will always be something I can organize or reorganize or clean. But who will I be if I can't take a little time to be me, and to take care of me? I have found in the last week that I am a better mom and wife because I have taken time for me, amongst the chaos in my life. I recommend everyone tries it, just once!

Monday, January 22, 2007

Eavsdropping and Laughing

Okay, since my blog has been so boring lately, I thought I would relay a story from this weekend that had me laughing and laughing and laughing.

Jake is in karate. For Christmas we got him a beginners kit that included several of the "weapons" they use, as well as a DVD on karate and a cup. I, being the wonderful mother that I am, did not address the fact that the kit included a cup or what it was for.

Saturday afternoon I am in the office cleaning. Matt is in Jake's room cleaning out the fish aquarium. Jake comes up and is having a casual conversation with Matt. I am not even sure how they started talking about it, but I overhear Matt telling Jake he needs to start wearing his cup to karate. He says he does not have one, and Matt tells him that he does and that it came with his kit. He goes and gets it and then proceeds to tell Matt "Oh, I thought that was for my elbow!" The conversation then continues on with a lesson on how to use it, which was rather comical to listen to. Boxers, briefs or wearing it without...AHHH!!

Once Jake went downstairs I came out of the office, took one look at Matt and laughed until I was crying. These are definitely life lessons, and necessary, but boy did Jake make it funny without even knowing it. And it made me more thankful for my husband.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

Prognosis: Better Than I Expected

Well, we finally have a diagnosis and prognosis for my dad. He does have large cell non hodgkins lymphoma. It has spread throughout his body and into his spleen. The good news is that they are starting chemo treatments next week. They say with the first treatment sometimes it can shrink enough to relieve the pain, which would be wonderful for him. He will have one day of chemo each month for 6 months. He has about a 50% chance of making it through this and living for 5+ years. This prognosis has given him hope again, which is vitally important. We also don't feel quite so frantic with how long he will be here. The likelihood is that if the chemo doesn't put him in remission that he at least has a year if not longer. This is a relief as we were thinking it could have been months. I appreciate your prayers. It will be a long road ahead of us, but the road is looking better than what we thought it could have been.

Thanks again for your kind words and prayers. Maybe now I can get back to blogging normal things!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Tomorrow is the big day!

Just a quick update on my dad for those of you wondering where we are with all of it:

He has had a PET scan done and had a biopsy done Monday. Tomorrow we will find out the whole diagnosis and what treatment options are available. It has been 2 weeks ago today that we all found out, but it sure seems like a lot longer. And while this is what we have all waited for, real results, we almost don't want them. It is a weird feeling.

He is in pain most of the time. The pain moving around between his chest, back and stomach.

It has been an interesting roller coaster to be on, as I have no idea what to do or how to do this. I am not even sure what "this" is, other than I know part of it is grief, part of it is fear and the rest is????

Most days I do well and go at the whole thought of this all very logically. And a few days, one in particular, I lost it and the sadness took over.

I will let everyone know what Thursday brings. Sorry for the lack of posting, but right now I just don't know what else to blog about.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Time Apart

This weekend Matt headed to Arizona to see his grandparents as well as a group of great friends from Tulsa. I stayed home this trip. Matt's mom came to see the boys.

By the time Friday rolled around I was really ready for Matt to get out of town for a few days. I am not saying I wanted him to stay there forever, but I did realize that it was good for me, as well as him, that we had a break from each other. I think this is good for a marriage, at least one where you are together a lot adn enjoy being together a lot.

I spent Friday night at my dad's just hanging out and talking. It was nice. As much as I love Matt being there and as much as my family loves Matt, I treasured my time with my dad and stepmom alone, with no one else. Saturday I went and got a massage and had lunch with my SIL Teri. We had a great time. Saturday night I went to dinner with 2 great friends and talked until they kicked us out of the restaurant.

Could I have done all of these things if Matt would have been home? Yes. Would I have felt as free and enjoyed them as much? No. I feel refreshed and was more than anxious for Matt to get home last night. I think he felt the same way.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder! Right?

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Eggs and Family Time

Sorry for the delayed posting. My life has been turned on end as of late and blogging didn't interest me, nor did I feel like I had much to blog about. However, I am hoping it will become a nice distraction!

Last night Matt and I started a new "experience". We have now dubbed Wednesday nights "Family Night". We brought the boys in from playing outside and informed them of this. They seemed unsure but excited. We then topped off our take and bake pizza and popped it in the oven so it could cook while we did our devotional. I found 2 really neat family devotionals from Focus on the Family that are fun and very kid friendly. One of them is all science experiments! So last night we started with eggs and the theme "God's protection".

The boys got to try to break the egg (over a bowl) with their bare hands. Of course they could not do it, but loved the whole process of trying. We then talked about God'd protection and how he protects us like the egg protects the baby chick. Tyler response was priceless when he tried to wrap his brain around the fact the inside of an egg a chick is being "cooked" to be born! Jake read a Bible passage and we talked about that. It is amazing his comprehension!! WOW! We opened up with prayer, ended with prayer and then dug into our pizza. After that we played Big Trouble for about 45 minutes.

The boys had a great time. Matt and I really truly enjoyed ourselves. We did this because life just seems to get busier and busier. And while I love the fact that they self-entertain very well, and will play outside for hours, that does not mean that we shouldn't take time out to just be together as a family, with no one else around, no phone calls and no tv. The whole process was not quite 2 hours, but for their hearts it was much more than that. They even were asking what next week's lesson would be and what they would get to do. So if your kids are old enough, I really recommend doing this. As they get older it will only be harder to do something like this, so do it now and make it a pattern for your family while they want to and they look forward to it.

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

An unexpected Start to 2007

Well, we made it through Christmas. We made it to 2007! My holiday decorations are down and I am trying to get organized for the upcoming year. I have a huge list of what things to do, which sometimes can be overwhelming. I was thinking of getting paint on walls, organizing my kitchen, getting the boys' rooms clean and organized, and then it was all put into perspective for me:

My dad was diagnosed today with malignant lymphoma. Basically cancer in his lymph nodes. WHOA!! A shock to say the least. My head hurts from the tears. I hurt seeing the rest of my family hurt. And then I crawled into the bathtub tonight and gave it to God. He is the healer. He gives us the peace and strength to get through this. I have never been more thankful to be in Colorado and close to my family. Not only to be here for dad, but to be here for my brother and sister-in-law. Right now I have an amazing calm about me.

Will my walls get painted? Will my kitchen get organized? If it does- GREAT- and if not, it only means there are bigger and better things I am investing my time in. Family. Isn't that what life is truly about anyway?

We don't have a lot of details yet. But I will continually keep you all posted. Hopefully we will know something this week, regarding stages it's in and treatment options. But we would all appreciate your prayers, and I thank you for them in advance.