Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Looks Can Be Deceiving

I love this picture of my boys! And I would love to be able to tell you that this is how they are most of the time. in fact, I would love to be able to tell you that this is how they are 50% of the time, no- make that 25%. The reality is that they fight A LOT. I have an older child who is controlling and bossy. I have a younger child who will not be bossed around, thinks he can do whatever his older brother can do, and hits and screams instead of uses his words.

I had a younger brother. We get along well now, but boy did I dislike him growing up. He always tattled. He was treated better and got to do more than I did. He was the favorite child. :) Any of you feel this way? I am trying to determine if it is the age difference between them (4 years) that causes such problems, the fact that they are both boys, or just their personalities in general. Let's face it, we all wouldn't choose our siblings to be our best friends, if we had the choice. And others truly have a great reltionship and friendship with theirs. And how can you help them grow up so they are close as they become older? Any ideas?


LunarWorld said...

I'm 18 months older than my brother, and he was the one who bullied me! He was sneaky and underhanded and would get me in trouble a lot. He used to tease me all the time - even in high school I would have dreams of his teasing and wake up crying.

Then I went to college and he grew up a little, and now we're amicable. I don't know that we have enough in common to be friends.

I always thought it was our age difference - being so close in age - that was the problem.

Desiree Carr said...

Deann, my kids are 7.5 years apart..and the fight like cats and dogs. They are both very head strong little girls. The oldest is bossy and the youngest is sassy. I think it is all apart of being siblings. When it is all worth the fighting...is when i see one sticking up for the other when mom/dad begins to yell. If i yell at the oldest the youngest tells me not to make sissy cry. When I yell at the youngest the oldest makes up excuses for why the youngest behaved that way.
Now, we are having another one. Yep, another one due in April...so they will be 4.5 years apart. I guess we'll see how it goes!

Steph said...

Hey Deann!

I have a younger sister (three years younger). When we were growing up my step-mother always interrupted us when we were fighting (just yelling---or loud discussion as I like to say, no beating up of one another).

It always bothered me when I was young, and I never figured out why until I got older. My sister and I never figured out how to deal with confrontation and people being upset with us because my step-mother never allowed us to work it out. I think that is one of the things that you can do for your boys.

Just nurture them and love them. They will develop a closer relationship over time especially as you guys spend good quality family time together. Also, if you or Matt have brothers and sisters, it helps for your boys to see the closeness of you both and your siblings.

I now am blessed with a different step-mom who I actually call mom. So I have a step-brother and step-sister. I knew them and was friends with them when I was growing up. Our relationships have slowly grown into deeper friendships over the years. I think that this has happened because I have seen how important family is to my mom and dad. I realized that I will ALWAYS have my family.

I don't know if any of this helps, but this is what I could come up with this morning.

Hope all is well in Colorado. If you guys are ever in the Minneapolis area or in the midwest in general please let us know. We would love to see you, Matt, & the boys. I was hoping to get down to see you guys in Iowa when you were there. My father in law lives in Iowa City, but unfortunately, it never worked out!! :-(