Updates

I realize I don't regularly blog much anymore. For one thing, I don't have much time to do it. The other thing is that I don't have much to say. So our lives go on daily, with nothing new, which is just great for me!!

I did think it might be a good idea to update everyone on our life, so here it goes:

My dad: he is still doing chemo, which seems to be shrinking the tumors but also is weakening him and killing his bone marrow. This past year has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster that seemed to have stalled my life for a while. So I made the decision in November that until we are at the end, I have to continue on with my life the way I would if he was healthy. I just hit a wall and couldn't keep putting my heart and emotions and life out there anymore, like I had been. And I think he is trying to live life to the fullest while he is still living. The cancer will kill him. We just don't know when. He could be here 1 month-5 years. Who knows! But know I will always keep you informed of any major changes. I feel like we have been crying wolf for a few months, coming very close to losing him, and now he is doing better. I guess that is the nature of the beast.

The family: The boys are great and back in school! Jake is counting down until he turns 10 a month from tomorrow. They are playing a lot of wii! One day, when I can get my husbands help, I will post the video from Christmas morning when they opened it. It is sure to make you laugh! Matt and I are great as well. We have only skied once this year, but are planning a few more days with the boys soon. We are both still exercising and losing weight. He still likes his job and I am getting ready to wet my feet in some small business bookkeeping.

Christmas: We had a great Christmas day! Never mind my youngest son was up almost the whole night. I got to bed at 4:30am, when I knew he was finally asleep. He went to bed at 9 and was up at midnight and pretty much up until about 4:30. UGH!! My dad and Barb came over, along with my brother and sis-in-law. Later in the day my mom came over. A lot of family, but a nice day. We flew out to Matt's parents the next morning, EARLY, to see them. We had a nice time, but I don't think I would want to do that every year. Or maybe go on the 27th instead of the 26th. We came home to a Christmas mess that I didn't have time to get cleaned before we left!! :) But it was okay and worth it to see them. The boys have always been close to them.

I think that is it. Nothing new. It is weird how, after 2 years of being out here, it feels like we are finally fully settled in. I feel like I can breath again.

Tyler's Book

One day I am going to write a book about all of the hilarious and sweet things my youngest son says. There is something about a cute little blond boy saying things that said by anyone else could make you cry! :)

About a month ago Matt and I were going out to dinner. I came downstairs, hair and makeup done, dressed up. You have to realize that during the week I am not "made up" as much, since working out has become my daily routine. So when I got to the kitchen Matt says something to the effect of how nice I look. Tyler then says, " Mom, you are prettier than an elephant in a chicken suit!"

This morning I went downstairs to get Tyler breakfast. As I was sitting at the table eating my cereal with him, my hair still bedhead, he looks up at me and says, " Mom, you are really pretty, in a messed up way!"

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!! Happy Holidays!!



From the Barrett house to your home, we wish you a very merry Christmas and a most prosperous 2008! Enjoy your family, friends, health and well-being this holiday season. We treasure all of you, whether you are family or friends. And we pray God's best for you this season. Be safe and healthy.

We will be home for Christmas day to spend it with my dad. Then we head out to Lake of the Ozarks on the 26th-31st to see Matt's parents. Home just in time to ring in 2008! And no better place to do that than the place we have called home and loved for 2 years now!

If you missed the mass email or don't visit Matt's blog, we also have a video Christmas card for you to enjoy! Just go to www.mbbarrett.blogspot.com.

Again, have a blessed holiday season! And remember why we really celebrate!

Merry Christmas!

Making a list and checking it twice!

Well, we are one step closer to it being Christmas. I love Christmas. I have my list of things to do and it is getting smaller, which is a good thing.

Making Christmas cookies - DONE
Christmas cards in the mail- DONE
Christmas shopping complete- DONE
Toys bought for the Angel tree- DONE
All parties for the season- DONE
Grocery shopping for food for the big day and night before- DONE
Having snow for a white Christmas- DONE


What is left:
wrapping presents
cookie trays to neighbors
Jake's Christmas concert
both boys' holiday school parties

So I am thrilled that what is left is the fun things. I love to put in a Christmas movie and wrap presents. I think I have it worked out to where I can just take the next 10 days and be home to enjoy the holidays. I am so glad I got things done early.

Enjoy the holidays! And all that goes with them!

The Best Christmas Present

What is the best Christmas gift of all? I am sure everyone has their own opinion on this topic. World peace is always a standard, no more sickness (I can relate to this because of dad), and many others. But I wanted to take a moment and share with you what I believe is one of the best gifts of 2007!



Our friends Shannon and Adam in Oklahoma have been in the adoption process for almost 10 months. They have a little girl in Guatemala, Analise, waiting for all of the processes to be done so she can come home with her mommy and daddy. Shannon has been to Guatemala once and got to spend time with Analise. Adam has never seen her in person, UNTIL NOW!!!

They just heard yesterday that they are all approved and get to go pick her up on the 11th!!! A week from now, Analise will be home, in Oklahoma with her mommy and daddy! What a long process this has been for Adam and Shannon. But Shannon's faith in the Lord to be in control of this process has been a testimony to me and lots of others. She never doubted that God was in control, had His hand in this and would be faithful to them.

So I cannot think of a more special couple to have such a wonderful Christmas present. Being able to be mom and dad to this special little girl, after waiting for so long to become parents. God is so good!! Congrats Adam and Shannon! You deserve this happiness. And MERRY CHRISTMAS EARLY!!

Do I Have Your Address???

I know it seems early, but I am getting ready to write, print and address my Christmas cards. Now that postage is so high, it can be frustrating to get a card back due to an incorrect address. So this is my plea to all of you: could you please email me or Matt with your latest address? Matt has suggested just making the Christmas letter and picture available online on our blogs, but I think that is a bit impersonal. I want to keep up the Christmas card and letter tradition, but do not want to be sending them to the wrong addresses. So PLEASE let us know your current address, or where I should send your card.

We are on the countdown to Christmas. The movie Santa Claus was on tonight on Disney, which really made me start to get into the Christmas mood. Tyler wants to decorate the tree tomorrow, which is NOT happening since it is not even up. I have a good portion of my shopping done. My mom and I have already started talking about a day of baking. The neighbors were putting up their Christmas lights this afternoon in the nice weather. It is close.

So please help me out. And start getting ready!!!

Happy Birthday to Matt!!

Sunday, November 11th is Matt's 34th birthday.

It is hard to believe we started dating when he was 17! That means we have now been together for 1/2 of his life. WOW! This will be my 17th birthday celebration with him.

His celebration won't be any big deal, because he never wants it to be. We will hit the golf course, I will make a carrot cake that only he and Tyler will eat (that's the joy of it being your birthday, you can pick whatever cake you want no matter how many people like it) and we will give him his presents. Once you have kids there has to be at least a mini-celebration.

So happy birthday honey. You deserve a wonderful birthday for being such a great dad and hubby. You work so hard. You take such good care of us.

Happy birthday my love!!

Christmas and Snow

Sunday morning we woke to our first snow of the season. It was fluffy not deep but more than a dusting. Tyler could not figure out why we were going to church since it was snowing. So we loaded into the van and listened to Christmas music on the way to Walmart to pick out the boys' pumpkins to carve for Halloween.

I have never cared much for Halloween. But Christmas is a whole different ball game. I love it! I love the decorations. I love the feel everywhere. I love shopping. I love giving gifts to people. I love spending time with family. I love the music. I love sitting by the tree at night with no other lights on but the tree lights, drinking hot coco and snuggling up to my honey. I just love it.

So I have started my list of things to purchase in the next 2 months. I already have a good start for the boys, but am not done. It is a hard balance for Matt and I, since I like to shop EARLY and he loves the thrill of shopping on the 23rd, or better yet the 24th.

The first snow always puts me in the mood for the holidays. I cannot believe they are almost here, already. It seems like we just put everything away from last year. But I am gearing up and getting ready. And remember, Christmas is 2 months from this Thursday! So get your lists ready and let the shopping begin!!!

Big News!

I just had to blog about my youngest son. He just learned an important milestone in life last night. I wish I had taken a picture to show you, but I didn't. Sorry.

Last night I went outside to see my youngest son Tyler riding his bike, all by himself with no training wheels!! The smile on his face said it all. We have tried off and on to work with him, with no results. So last night something clicked and off he went. I think he feels like he is finally a "big boy". He is thrilled he can ride with Jake and the other neighbor kids and not have to tag along way behind on his scooter.

Another few things:
1) showed me yesterday at a park that he can now do the monkey bars
2) asked me the other night, "Mommy, if you died would daddy get a new girl?"
3) told me this afternoon that going down the driveway and hitting a bump on his bike was a "nutcracker", which I later informed him (after I went inside and laughed my head off) that we should not call his "parts" "nuts".

My question is why I am always the one to have to deal with everything? Where is Matt when I need him? So the best is when I called Matt to tell him about the "nutcracker", to which he says "that is awesome!" Maybe there is a reason I deal with it all!

How do I give this a title?

In the last few weeks life has been crazy, hectic, busy...but I am still here, smiling most days, appreciating life.

My dad got out of the hospital last Tuesday night. At 8pm, Matt and I and Mark and Teri went over to dad's house for a "meeting". The good news was that dad was feeling well enough to go home. The stent they put in his liver was working, so the immediate threat due to the failing liver was over.

The bad news: the biopsy showed that the remaining cancer is pancreatic cancer which had metastasized to other areas. There areas are not confirmed, but doctors think it has spread to the liver, adrenal gland and around his aorta. One doctor gave him 6-12 months. Another doctor told him if he got 6 good months he would be a blessed man.

While I have thought since January that this whole situation really wasn't good, for some reason I had a hard time with this news. It was finally real. And now the process begins of helping him live life and then helping him let go when the time comes. He specifically asked us if we could do those two things. And while logic says "yes", it was very hard to process.

I am very sad, for multiple reasons. How do you say goodbye to someone you love, forever? How do I prepare my heart to let him go? How will life be without knowing I can pick up the phone to call him? How weird will it be on my birthday not to hear from him? Or any of the holidays? Will my boys remember him? Will he be scared to die? The list goes on.

The one thing I can always count on and rest in is that God is with me. The joy of the Lord is my strength. He is the best comforter there is. He brings me peace when I feel none. And the best news of all is that I do know my dad will be in heaven when it's his time. And while that is not necessarily comforting right now, I know it will be at the right time.

updates

I must say that the last week of my life has not been fun. When I think about it all I am surprised at how we handle stress. So here was my last week in bullet points:

* Last Thursday I had 2 wisdom teeth out. That went great, no problems.

* Friday my dad takes a turn for the worse. He really starts not feeling well. His liver seems to be slowly shutting down.

* Saturday I head over to dad's house. I walked out on his deck to say hi, as he is sitting in the sun due to his jaundice, and am literally shocked at how he looks. He looked like he was 75 and about to die! WOW! While I am there hanging out, the reality of him dying hits me- HARD! I have been keeping a realistic outcome since January about him, but for some reason this day I could barely handle it. I had emotions I didn't know I would have. I will post another day about those. So while I am there I start feeling like I am getting a fever, which prompts me to leave.

* The next 3 days I am home in bed with a fever, shivering, every ounce of my body aching to the point that I can barely walk.

* Tuesday went over and hung out with dad in the afternoon. He had a procedure done on Monday, so I thought I would go spend time with him. I left at 2pm, by 5'ish he was going downhill fast. By 8pm he was in the ER with his blood pressure 70/40 and in horrible pain.

*Thursday I had one kid home due to no 1/2 day kindergarten. The other came home with the flu by 9:30 that morning. I had one of the worst headaches I have ever had, which sent me to the chiropractor 2 times in one day. I cooked a bunch of Mexican food for a get together Matt was having Friday night at our house for one of the classes he is teaching.

* Friday I met with my trainer. We did weigh in and measurements. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since we started meeting. I lost 10 lbs and 1 1/2 inches off of my waist and hips! I also got another awful headache. Matt had 10 freshman over for dinner.

* Dad is still in the hospital. Everything is taking a turn for the worse. More and more problems are occurring. I honestly don't know if he will get out. I am heading there this afternoon.

* We have our church life group here tomorrow night. The boys leave Monday to go be with Matt's parents for a week. The timing really couldn't be more perfect for them to be gone. It will free me up to see dad as much as I want, and will also give me some time to try and rest and recuperate.

Thanks for listening. I am believing that next week will be better. Maybe not all aspects, but there are some I could do without. Dad will still be sick, but I don't have to be. Have a good weekend!

Taking a Break

Things in my life have been unpredictable and busy. I am not sure if I will be blogging much anymore, or at least for a while.

Things with Matt and the boys are great. The boys are loving school and are getting ready for their fall break in a week. They are flying to join Matt's parents for a week, which they will love!

I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday. Surprisingly I have had very little to no pain at all. Other than repeating myself 5 times about my IV on the way home and not remembering hardly anything, things went great.

The real reason the blogging may be sporatic is that my dad is not doing well and I am not sure how much longer he will be with us. Things since July have been iffy with no help from any doctors. He has gone downhill this week, rapidly. His liver is not working and the cancer is still around the heart and the pancreas and growing. His heart is so weak they don't think they could do anymore chemo if they knew what to do. So right now things aren't looking good at all and I have a feeling that the next few weeks will be busy with him. I will try to keep you updated on him, or at least have Matt keep you updated. We will know around noon today if he is going to be hospitalized today.

We would appreciate your prayers. My prayers lately have been for honesty from the doctors, even if it is not good news, and that his pain can be managed so no matter how long he lives he is not miserable.

Processing the thought of losing a parent is different and new to me. I don't feel like it has truly hit me yet, but I am sure it will. Thank you all for your support, love and prayers.

One Week Down!

Well, I have survived my first week of training with my trainer, working out 6 days of the week, changing how I eat, and drinking more water than I ever imagined. I actually was surprised at how good I felt 24 hours after my first workout with Steve. I truly had anticipated crawling around on my hands and knees the day after and I was in pretty good shape. Sure I felt like I had worked out, but nothing horrible.

So I met with Steve again today. WOW! First of all, I made the comment that I should be able to handle my session better today b/c I have been doing cardio all week. He then reminds me that he wants it always to push me and that he will just have to push me harder. HUH? He trained me hard, I was more sweaty than I care to be, and then went over my food for the week. Let me just say I did well, really well. Let us all remember that I am paying Steve to work me hard and hold me accountable. I was trying to remember that when he questioned why I ate 1/4 cup of m&m's when I was hundreds of calories shy of my daily calorie goal, instead of making better food choices to fill those calories. SMILE! He had a point, and b/c he wasn't my husband I couldn't roll my eyes and ignore him. So I left and realized I was a hazard on the road b/c my arms could barely stay on the steering wheel due to muscle exhaustion! YIKES!

In all seriousness, Steve is a great guy who is doing his job. He keeps showing me I can be pushed more than I ever thought. Matt is in Denver this week on business. He is staying at a hotel, eating out daily....can't wait until he meets up with Steve Thursday night!!

Oh My!

So I just walked in the door from my first workout with my new trainer Steve. He truly is a nice guy. But I honestly don't know if I have ever worked out so hard in my life. And the most amazing thing is that I did no cardio! By the end of our session he said he could see it in my eyes I was nearing the end, I felt slightly sick and light headed. No pain, no gain??!?

What I found amazing was I knew when I was doing certain things, that if I would have been on my own or with Matt, I would have quit. But with Steve looking over me I dug deep and found my inner strength to finish up, all the while my body was screaming "NO!! QUIT!!" But I am too strong willed and proud to look like a wimp on my first day. So I made it. I did all of the exercises and weights, and then on my own did an additional 25 minutes of cardio. And now that I have a clear head, I am proud I did it I am amazed that I did it, and then I laugh that I am paying for this!

I was nervous and a little scared to go today. My perception is that others would see me and think all sorts of things. Then I realized a few things:
1) Most people look at me working out and are glad I am doing something about it.
2) If they think awful things, I don't know it, so what do I care?
3) My trainer thinks it's awesome I am working hard towards my goals.
4) My family supports me 100%
5) It's really about me and no one else.
6) It seems that every aspect of my life is better when my diet and exercise are in control.

I am excited about this new part of my life. Even if I can't walk or move my arms tomorrow!!

Steve's My Man

Don't worry, I am still happily married to Matt!! :)

But today I met a new man who is going to help me change my life. Steve.

Steve is my new personal trainer. I just spent and hour with him. He is kind, knowledgeable, driven...and he plans on kicking my hind end into shape. The funny thing is that when I signed Matt and I up for personal training sessions, I told the guys there to give Matt someone who will really work him HARD. Steve. I thought it was great when they were telling me stories about Steve and how hard he works people. Perfect for Matt, I thought. But the joke was on me, because not only is Steve training Matt, but he is my trainer as well.

In all seriousness, even though losing weight and getting into shape seems like something I should be able to do on my own, I am just not getting it done. Someone told me today I should not feel guilty about it, if in the end I achieve my goals. So I am not feeling guilty and Steve is going to work for his money! Already he has shown me a lot of things, and we didn't even have a "real" session. He took measurements, weight, body fat (that is fun!) and then told me very confidently that if I am serious about this that I can accomplish my goals. Sometime it is good to have someone who isn't related to you tell you you can do it.

I will keep everyone updated on my progress. I just wish the sessions weren't so expensive. I would use him until I met my goals. But even if he gives me a good start, it is better than where I am at! So here is to the start of my new journey to the new me!!

So Many Things in 2 Months

So it has been 2 months since I last posted. As I predicted, I was too busy with kids and summer to post. So I will sum up the important events that went on over the last 2 months:

1) Jake made it through his week at church camp and loved every minute of it. However, we did have to endure the 45 minute ride home listening to every camp song known to man! I think it brought back fond memories to Matt. Not to mention hearing stories of what the girls did to the boys and vice versa! I do think the girls won!
2) We went on a 5 day family camping trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We had a wonderful time and loved it! Vacations are getting more fun now that the boys are getting older, which brings me to #3.
3) Tyler started kindergarten!! ( I will post a picture later) I got a little choked up, only b/c it marks the end of a time in our lives with no more babies at home, but he was ready and so was I!
4) Jake started 4th grade!! UGH!! I am feeling so old!
5) We have remodeled the family room and basement. Matt has custom built shelves for the family room. I am happy to say it looks great and is ALMOST done!
6) Jake ran for student council and won! I am thinking lawyer or politician...have you heard him talk? :)
7) Matt climbed his first 14'ers with my brother Mark. They had a good time, got sick and sun burned but now have that sense of accomplishment that men have to achieve through physical pain. I can feel a sense of accomplishment when I am at a spa relaxing!! I don't know why they have to make it so hard.
8) Matt is now teaching 2 classes for UCCS and loving it. His small group is the sought after group that everyone wants to be in!
9) We had an uneventful, yet wonderful, labor day weekend.
10) We watched a great movie that I recommend to all: The Ultimate Gift
11) We are getting ready to embark on a new journey. We have hired personal trainers for a limited number of sessions, hoping that this will get us going in the right direction! We haven't started yet. I will keep you updated.

I have a lot of stories to tell, but thought I would do the summed up version today. I plan on posting more regularly so I can tell some of those stories! All in all, we had a great summer. I survived! The boys are alive and well! And it is time to get back into a routine and schedule. Hope you are back to read about our wacky and crazy life!

A Little Boy No More!

Jake is off to church camp for the week. Tyler and I took him up to Camp Golden Bell yesterday, which is up in Divide, CO. He was so excited to go!! He went to a shorter version of church camp 2 summers ago and loved it.

Jake has always been my jet setter. He has flown out to NYC by himself to meet up with family. He has gone to a 3 day camp at the age of 7. He doesn't know a stranger. So imagine my surprise when I got choked up leaving him at camp yesterday! I wasn't upset about leaving him. He has been away from me for days at a time since he was little. And while this will be the longest he will be away without being with family, I think what got to me was how amazing he is! I was leaving him at camp for a week where he did not know a soul, and he was just fine. He did not have any friends or other kids from our church going with him. He stood there and smiled and waved as I left, and was by himself with nobody he knew! How many of us adults would or could want to do that?

This time seemed like a milestone in Jake's life. He is no longer a little boy. I find myself asking "when did he leave the little boy behind?" Both of my boys have a stuffed Eeyore that has been their "blankie", so to speak. I don't know if Jake has been without it for more than 1 night at a time. He decided, when we were packing Sunday night, that he was at the age where Eeyore did not need to go everywhere with him, and that he would be just fine. GULP! While I am glad he reached that conclusion, it also supports my conclusion he is not a little boy anymore. Did I sleep well last night? I found myself, for the first time in years, waking up in the night praying for Jake and wondering if he was sleeping well.

I am sure we will have stories to tell you all. I know he is having fun and probably not missing me. Today he gets to ride a horse! But oddly enough, leaving him at camp this time felt more like leaving him at school for the first time. I sent him with stamped envelopes to send letters to his family. We'll see if we get one!

My Dad

I have not updated lately on the status of my dad. Most of you know that in January he was diagnosed with Lymphoma. It was pretty severe, throughout his body. He has had 6 rounds of chemo and was hoping his latest PET scan would show he was in remission and he would need only 2 more rounds of chemo. Sadly, this was not the case today.

My dad had his scan last week and went in for results today. The chemo got rid of most of the cancer. However, there are still 2 big spots, one around the pancreas and one in the aorta/diaphragm region, that the chemo has had little to no effect on. Obviously this is not the result the doctors were hoping for.

My dad's current dr. does not know what to do from here, so he is going to send him to an even more specialized cancer doctor in Denver. Things are up in the air right now. We don't know if anything can be done. If there is a possible treatment, we know it will be the hardest out there. The road ahead is not going to be easy, whether there is or is not anything that can be done. There is talk of some sort of stem cell treatment, where he would have all of his white blood cells completely obliterated in hopes to kill off the cancer. He would be quarantined for several weeks. Not fun. At this stage we don't even know if that is an option.

Needless to say, it is a hard day for my dad. Naturally he is disappointed and sad. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is the healer and that with God nothing is impossible. My prayers are not only for full restored health for my dad, but also for his heart and mind to be healthy as well. That discouragement will not set it and that he will keep up the positive attitude. I would appreciate your prayers as well. Thanks!

Miss Potter

Matt and I watched a wonderful movie last night. Miss Potter with Renee Zellweger. It was PG (nice for a change) and absolutely wonderful. If any of you have seen and enjoyed "Finding Neverland" with Johnny Depp, which is about the creator of Peter Pan, then you will also enjoy "Miss Potter". It is about Beatrix Potter, the author and illustrator for Peter Rabbit, along with hundreds of other children's stories. She is the best selling author of children's books of all time.

It was clean, sweet, magical, interesting and true. When it was over Matt and I both commented on how wonderful it was and how much we enjoyed it. Will it win any awards? Probably not. As always, Renee Z. did a great job. What is amazing is how ahead of the times Beatrix Potter was for her time.

So if you are wanting to see a clean, sweet movie this is it. Thoroughly enjoyable. I think Jake would have enjoyed it as well. Tyler is too young to, but older kids could really like it. It is nice to see family movies. This was even more fascinating as it was true.

Vacations and Summer

It has officially been one month since my last post. My father-in-law pointed out to me this past week that my last post was about school being out. My point exactly! School is out, which means I don't have much time. I also realize that there is a chance no one even reads this anymore. HA!

It is hard to believe that the first month of summer is pretty much over. Time has flown by and we have had fun. We spent quite a few days at the pool, had 2 weeks of swim lessons and then went on vacation last week to the Lake of the Ozarks. We were gone for 9 days, and it was great. We had a great time. Spent some time with Matt's parents in their new home, which is beyond beautiful. Then some friends from Iowa came down and spent a few days. It was a fun vacation and much needed.

The rest of the summer includes Jake at Nana and Papa's house until this Thursday, July 4th, Jake's church camp for a week, camping in the mountains for 4 days, the boys going to Nana and Papa's for a few days and then the week countdown to the start of school happens! It is crazy! We also want to head to Denver for a quick 2 day trip to go to Six Flags and a few other things there.

It has already been fun. The boys have had fun so far. Mom and dad have had fun and are still as sane as they were when school was in session. And it is 1/2 over. Who knows, it might be another month before I post again! Hopefully not. I will try to put up some pics of our vacation. What are you doing this summer?