Rocky Mountain Mom

Grief

2011-08-29T10:02:00.003-06:00

Grief is an interesting emotion and feeling. 3 years ago tomorrow, my dad talked to me for the last time. He held my boys' hands and we knew he knew what was going on, even if he didn't talk much. I remember him waking up and looking at me, and saying "Hey D." It wasn't an hour conversation. It didn't need to be. He told me he loved me. I told him I loved him. It is a memory I will cherish forever.

As the 3 year anniversary is approaching I sit and wonder when it gets easier. The grief has changed. 3 years ago I was caught up in the flurry and busyness of "things". Funeral. Visitation. Obituary. Family. I was sad, but it was a different sad. The one year anniversary I was bracing myself to be rocked to my core, but it didn't happen. In fact, I went through the first year pretty well. There weren't any huge emotional surges. I was surprised. I thought maybe I had gotten through it and moved on. Year 2 was pretty decent. A few moments here and there, but overall, similar to year 1. Then came the last year. I didn't see this coming!

Over the last year, and especially the last 6 months, I have found myself highly emotional. I have cried more this year than I have the previous years. I catch myself talking to him, as though he can hear me in heaven. I miss him. But I have missed him since he died. What is different? I think part of it is the realization that he is gone forever. Doesn't make sense, does it? Of course I knew it was forever. It is sinking in how long forever is. I have been desperate to see him, talk to him, laugh with him, cry with him....but that won't be happening, and that is so hard. My heart is broken. It broke September 2, 2008. My heart is still broken, but it aches in a way it hasn't before. I have no idea if this is normal or not. Maybe the professionals would tell me that this is very typical, that is takes several years to really deal with the loss. All I know is I feel robbed. To say I miss him doesn't do my feelings justice. I wanted to experience life with him, as we all grew older.

This week is full of emotions and memories. While I think we should celebrate his life and the amazing memories we have, I just don't feel like it. I am sure he would shake me and tell me to get to it, but he also would say to own my feelings. I am trying.

Self Assessment is Hard

2011-08-16T11:40:00.002-06:00

Well, summer in our house is over. The boys are back at school. We are getting back into a routine. We are trying a few new things around here, so the boys can be a help around the house. I am trying to get organized. At the same time I doing some self assessment, with the help of a few people. This is not an easy thing to do.

About 14 months ago, my best friend moved to New York. I had not realized how much this hurt until I started looking into "me". Her son is Tyler's best friend. His little heart just broke, which broke my heart. But I picked myself up and dove into PTO, subbing, working....until it all came to an end in June. I have had the summer to decompress. While decompressing I realized how lonely I am. I realized just how special Caydee is to me and my whole family. I realized I threw myself into being busy, maybe so I wouldn't have to face life with the Bell family not 3 streets away, even though I didn't purposefully do that. I realized how important friendships are, and not just one special one, but many. I looked at my life and knew I needed to make some decisions.

My pastor's wife, Angie, has been a great friend and counselor. She has called me on the carpet, in a loving way, and helped me see some things. Today I realized I had up a wall I never knew I built, that didn't allow for close relationships to be built. It might hurt too much. My dad died almost 3 years ago. Caydee moved 14 months ago. I was feeling "abandoned", so to speak, at nobody's fault. I realized, while Matt and I have always loved entertaining and opening up our home, we have not done that. I gave myself a name, a social recluse. I don't sit in my house, in fact, many days I am not home at all. But socially, I am a recluse. I would rather watch a show or read a book than go out with friends. I need to change this. As much as I love Caydee, and can't wait for her to get back to Colorado, I cannot depend on her friendship alone to fill my loneliness.

Caydee and I were talking last week and she reminded me that I will get out of (fill in the blank, life, church, etc) what I put in. I have not been putting in anything into most areas of my life, except my family. This needs to change, somehow. So, being the person I am, I am analyzing, and then will come up with a plan (Matt will be so proud, he is the man with a plan!). Change isn't my favorite thing in life, but the place I am living in now will not work for the long term. Here's to change!!

Home Again and Happy!

2011-07-12T15:05:00.002-06:00

July 1st we loaded up in the van and headed to Matt's parents' home at Lake of the Ozarks for our summer vacation. We usually go once a summer, but Matt and I didn't go last year so it had been 2 years for me. I love this place. I love boating. I love the pool. It is always relaxing. We were there for about 6 days and then Matt's extended family came for a reunion. We had a great time seeing everyone and catching up. It had been at least 7 years since we had since many, but honestly, I don't know that I ever talked to them as much as I did this past weekend. It is fun to see the different personalities come together. It was great for our kids to meet everyone. I was proud of them and how they socialized with people all weekend.

On our last boat ride on Sunday, both boys begged to stay longer, so being the amazing grandparents that Rick and Margie are, they found cheap one way tickets for the boys to come home later this week. Matt and I had a great road trip home- just the two of us. We talked the first 4 hours, nonstop. I wondered when the last time was we had that much time without interruption, to just talk and reconnect.

I sit here now in a very quiet house. I have mowed 3 yards today (covering for Jake since he won't be home to do it this week), done laundry, cleaned up the house a bit, and I wonder what to begin now. I have felt slightly unorganized for a few years. Sometimes the thought of getting organized is overwhelming. But I will persevere and head to Staples for office supplies. I will go through my freezers and inventory what is in there. I will plan out some menus and do some freezer cooking. And maybe I can get to a movie.

As much as I love vacation, I realized once again, that I love Colorado. There really isn't another place I would want to be. To quote Dorothy, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home."

Defining Success

2011-06-20T17:00:00.002-06:00

I am sure most of you, like me, have wondered if where you are or what you have achieved in life has been deemed "successful". I think it is so easy to get caught up on that word instead of looking at the fruits of your life.

For instance, last week I got back into running. I was semi-watching what I was eating. Instead of feeling successful about getting back into, I was hard on myself that I had not been "perfect". It made me wonder why I associate "perfect" with success. They should not go hand in hand, should they?

In February I started substitute teaching as well as working part time in a temp position to help out my good friend while she had 2 ladies on maternity leave. While I was making extra money and being productive, I truly felt like a colossal failure as a wife and mother, since I wasn't managing the house as well as I did when I was home all day. I didn't make the connection that I was not home as much. My life was crazy busy. Instead, I felt like a total failure because the house wasn't as clean as I know Matt and I like. Instead of focusing on the fact we still had hot meals on the table for dinner and didn't eat out, I focused on the fact the meals I was serving were simple. Sometimes it was "fend for yourself" for dinner, which they all love, but I felt horrible about it. Basically, the expectation I had for me was to manage everything just as I had been, only adding a few more balls to juggle. No big deal, right?

When school got out 2 weeks ago I vowed to get my life back in control. I am getting some things done around here, but I am not where I envisioned myself being at this point. The office is still not organized. The pantry looks like it exploded, STILL. I am exercising, but not an insane amount, which makes me feel successful. I am trying to focus on what I have done and how I plan to get everything else done, in time. This is a very hard process for me. I wish I could have a little more of Matt's attitude. He doesn't stress about it, and figures it will all get done eventually.

I had an ah-ha moment this weekend. We were having a bbq with our neighbors on our street. I had someone come up and tell me how unbelievably kind and good mannered Jake is. How he is always willing to help out the little kids when they need it. That is when I realized my success should truly be measured by who we are, what kind of kids we are raising, and how we show love to people. I am not there yet, which isn't a failure. Shouldn't success be taking the steps to change things for the better? This was my first step.

Let's Try This Again

2011-06-15T18:56:00.002-06:00

It has been a while since I have blogged. I truly wasn't sure anyone read anything I wrote. I got busy. I lost motivation. But I am back, and willing to try this again.

This year has been so busy, already! I cannot believe it is the middle of June. The boys just got out of school a week ago. Tyler is with Rick and Margie right now, but will be home tomorrow. Matt and I have spent some fun time with Jake. We leave in 2 weeks for vacation the the Lake of the Ozarks. I am in desperate need of this trip!! I think we all are. There is just something about being away from home that makes it possible to relax more. I might have laundry to do, but the list isn't as long. There is no office to clean. No closets to clean. No yard to take care of. Well, actually there is, but they aren't my responsibility, so I don't have to think about them!! (sorry Margie!)

Jake is now 13. He is taller than me. His voice is very deep. And I just sit and wonder where the time went?!? Tyler is 9. How do I slow this clock down?

Well, I promise to be more insightful tomorrow. I just wanted to get going on this again. Enjoy your summer. I intend to!!

The Big Ski Party

2010-03-15T09:30:00.005-06:00

Tyler chose to take 2 friends skiing for his 8th birthday party this year. We figured this was much better than 10 kids at a fun center! So we loaded up the van bright and early Saturday morning and headed up the mountain. The weather was perfect, sunny, not too cold, but amazing snow- they had gotten 22 inches in the last week.

The boys were having so much fun. Smiles all around. We were going down one run, with lots of trees the boys love to go through, and had a little "miscommunication". I was in front, with Matt at the back, with boys sandwiched between us. This run has an area that can slow you down a bit, so Tyler and Matt were way behind the rest of us. We were waiting for them, when Matt calls me and figures out he went the wrong way, and would meet us at the lift eventually. We ski on, take a lift and do another run. We see Matt, and I say, "where's Tyler?" He smiles and laughs and says, "I don't have him, I thought you did." After a few minutes of realizing he wasn't joking, we realized he thought I had Tyler, and I thought he did. My mommy heart just about stopped! Fortunately he was waiting in the ski patrol office, petting a dog and watching TV. He then said this was the worst birthday ever and he gets a do-over!

After taking a lunch break, and telling him how cool he is that he made it to the lift but daddy didn't, making it a big deal how amazing he is, he was totally cool with it all! He even said it was pretty cool being lost. He said ," it's not like you were shot and dead, you just had to find me!" We spent the afternoon skiing the same run , over and over, and had 100% happy boys! Matt and our friend Jason went and took the snowcat up the mountain for a cool, powder run, and then met back up with us. So all 5 "boys" had a great day!

When I was putting Tyler to bed, he was smiling and said, "thanks mom, for the awesome birthday party! I had the best time ever. I love you!"

Be still my heart!

I am alive!

2010-03-11T13:25:00.002-07:00

I have not posted in almost 1/2 a year. I joined Facebook and have used that as my forum for updating you all on the mundane, and sometimes interesting, facts of my life. I thought I would see if anyone even reads this anymore. I am guessing not, but you never know.

Life has been good, yet hectic. Jake turned 12 a month ago, and Tyler will be 8 in 2 weeks. Where does time go? My 1st nephew Kaedon was born September 24th, 2009. That was a true blessing. We have been home a little more this year, but are getting ready to head out for spring break. Matt calls it the "brady bunch vacation". We are road tripping with Matt's parents to the Grand Canyon, and then on to Arizona. It will be a good time.

I guess this is a test, to see if anyone checks this anymore. If not, it is my fault, as I never update. If so, I might try to start blogging a little more. Hope all is well!

One Year

2009-09-02T06:48:00.002-06:00

Today is the one year anniversary of my dad's death. I cannot believe it has been a year already. The reality is that life does go on after we lose someone, whether we like it or not. It has been a strange couple of days for me. My emotions were almost higher than they were a year ago. I think part of it is because a year ago there was a lot of "commotion" with him dying, planning a funeral, etc.. This year, there is nothing going on but memories and quiet time to think and reflect.

I miss him so much. Even though I know he is in "a better place", the selfish side of me doesn't care and wants him back here. Being practical, I realize this isn't going to happen, and I know he wouldn't choose it if he could. He was content with dying. He was at peace.

No parent is perfect, dad included. But I love him. I have my memories of him, and I can smile through the tears. We had a lot of good times, mixed in with the not-so-great times. I started praying right after he died that God would bring back to my memories the good times we had, so I could quit thinking about the last 2 years of his life. As always, God answers prayers.

So today I celebrate my dad. I woke up and watched the sunrise this morning, thankful for him, for what we had, for where he is now, for the memories, all the while sad and missing my dad. I love him and miss him, and will forever.

First Day of School is Here!!

2009-08-12T17:00:00.003-06:00

Today the boys started the new school year. I think they were ready, and we all know I was. Jake is now a middle schooler, entering 6th grade. Tyler is in 2nd grade. They seemed to have a good day. They both like their teachers. They are both TIRED!! Here are some first day of school pictures for you! I cannot believe how big they are. Where did time go?

5 days and counting!!

2009-07-13T07:06:00.002-06:00

The boys have had a great summer. And I have been the taxi service. But on Friday, we are packing up and heading out to go to the Lake of the Ozarks for a week! We always have a great time, and Matt and I are in dire need of escaping Colorado for a few days. Mark and Teri are going with us this year. The boys are flying to Kansas City on Thursday, and then the 4 adults will road trip it starting Friday. We are so excited to go. I almost feel like a kid again, just counting down days.

We had a great weekend. Matt and the boys camped Friday night. Saturday we had the UFC 100 fights. Sunday we worked in the backyard. We got the hot tub on the pad and got the fake stone almost done. The landscapers are supposed to start today. We'll see if they show up. I have a funny feeling!!

Happy 4th of July!!!

2009-07-05T08:43:00.002-06:00

Hello! I know, it has been almost 5 months. You will notice that my last post was about Facebook. You guessed it, between being busy and knowing most people are on Facebook now, I have neglected the blog.

We are in full swing of summer. Both boys have been to nana and papa's. Jake has been to church camp, where he had an amazing time. We went to Elitch Gardens on Friday and had a day of rides and fun. Tomorrow Jake starts his week of Jr. Zookeeper camp and Tyler starts his multi-sport camp. 2 weeks from today we wake up to our first full day of vacation, which we are so excited for. We are headed to the lake for a week for some relaxation with Matt's parents. Mark and Teri are going, too.

I cannot believe how fast the summer is going. I hope you all had a great 4th. It rained all day here, so it was kind of a bummer, but we survived. I will post some new pictures on here. Enjoy your summer. Hope this finds you all well.

Facebook it is!

2009-03-16T10:41:00.003-06:00

Okay, so my best friend Caydee has been trying to convince me to join Facebook. I have had other people also joining in to convince me. Another dear friend, Friday night, showed me how it all works, and I took the plunge. What was I thinking?

I still have no idea what I am doing on Facebook. Still not sure how it all works. My last "issue" is that there isn't really space to be able to share my 3-4 paragraphs of feelings, thoughts, news, etc.. So while I have connected with several people from long, long ago, I think I will still need to keep my blog. Let's face it, I have never been one short on words, so is it realistic to think that I can always keep my thoughts to a sentence or 2?

NEWS!!!!

2009-03-13T08:52:00.002-06:00

I knew 2009 was going to be a better year than 2008. 2008 was rough and tiring.

Going to Mexico was a great way to start the first part of 2009 off!! We had an amazing time. The boys are finally at an age where we all had a wonderful time, and didn't have to deal with the things of small, toddler size children.

The news, as of yesterday, to make 2009 even better is that my brother Mark and his wife Teri found out they are pregnant!!!!! YEA!!!!!! This is something they have wanted so badly. If you remember, their first baby had a defect where the skull did not form properly, and did not survive. The due date for that baby was March 10th. So how sweet it is that one day later they find out they are still able to conceive. They are very cautious about their feelings with this pregnancy, and probably will be until they are told everything is fine. So please send your prayers up for a healthy pregnancy for Teri and the baby!

Cancun Here We Come!

2009-02-13T14:19:00.002-07:00

We are leaving tomorrow morning to head to Cancun with the boys!!! Words cannot describe how excited we all are. I don't mean to rub it in your face, but I do have good reasons to be excited.

1) It is snowing here, and nothing is better than going to a beach when it is snowing where you live!

2) The boys are at an age where we can have a great family vacation, and not worry about "little" kid stuff.

3) Matt has been working like a dog and could really use time away from the job.

4) We have had one crazy, sad and stressful year. Not all of it was bad, but it was very tiring and hectic. We built a house, sold a house, moved twice, finished the basement and dad died. Needless to say, this vacation couldn't come at a better time.

Have a great week. I know we will!! The forecast is in the low to mid 80's!

PS- I am still undecided about facebook. I have thought of another downer: people who read my blog who don't have a facebook account miss out on everything. Somehow that just doesn't seem right. Although I am not convinced I have more than 5 readers anyway!!

Facebook Or Not?

2009-02-04T20:10:00.003-07:00

For My Dear Friend Shannon!!! :)

Happy 2009! Hope the new year and my first post in 2009 finds everyone well.

So I have a serious discussion I want participation in.

The subject: Facebook
Issue at hand: I have never been interested in Facebook. I cannot understand why grown adults have a Facebook account. I always thought it was for teenagers. However, I have realized that most of my adult friends have an account. Blogging used to be the thing that everyone used to stay in touch with people from the past and present. Now, I am gathering that facebook is the new blogging. What is so great about Facebook? Why should I give in to my stand and get an account?

1)One of my issues, which I know will seem ridiculous, is when Matt had an account, I didn't like that anyone from his past could chat with him, email him, and all of that communication stuff without me knowing. Now let me clarify...Matt always told me. There was never anything wrong with it, but is just rubbed me wrong.

2) Another issue is that I am not sure I want just anyone from my past getting in touch with me. I know, I sound rude and stuck up, but there are some people in my past that I would prefer to leave in the past.

3) One more issue is that I feel like it becomes this number clicker that tells you how many friends you have. Why do I need to know how many friends I have? Why does everyone else get to know how many friends I have? Who cares how many "friends" I have? Are they really "friends"? Are people so insecure they have to have a big network of friends, who really aren't friends, but mere "people from their past"?

So convince me or support me. I just don't get it. But I have lots of "friends" who want me to join. I don't know...I am not convinced just yet.

'Tis The Season

2008-12-16T16:48:00.002-07:00

Can you believe Christmas Eve is one week from tomorrow? Are you done shopping? Have you made Christmas cookies yet?

We had a big Christmas party Saturday night, which was a lot of fun, but a lot of work. We went shopping Monday to finish up with our gifts. I now have the green light to make a few cookies, wrap the gifts, watch a movie or two, and try to relax. I am not planning on baking a ton of cookies. I am not making any fancy meals over the holiday week. I am going to try to relax and enjoy the time instead of working constantly.

I love Christmas. I love sitting by the tree and watching the lights. And thanks to my MIL (thanks Margie!) my decorations really look nice and have been taken to the next level. I have not written a Christmas letter this year, yet. I am thinking it might be a New Year's letter. If you have a new address since last year, please email me and let me know what it is.

Merry Christmas everyone! Remember to enjoy the season. Take time to rest, rejuvenate and enjoy.

Let It Snow

2008-12-01T08:24:00.002-07:00

We had a very nice, relaxing Thanksgiving Day. The weekend ended up being very nice and relaxing. We took the boys to a hockey game Saturday night. I went out early on Friday and shopped. I actually waited in line, outside in the COLD, for 1 hour 15 minutes to get my hubby his Xmas gift. Then Jake and I went back out and got a few more things. Yesterday we woke up to massive snow. This was kind of surprising, as major snow was not in the forecast at all. We had gotten a few snow showers throughout the weekend, but nothing major. It continued snowing all day. Matt used the snowblower at least 2 times, if not 3. It was gorgeous and definitely made it feel like the holidays are near!

I thought about all of you on Thanksgiving. One of the things I am thankful for is all of our friends. We might not see or talk to you all very often, but you mean the world to us and we think of you often. I hope you all had a great holiday as well. Now it is time to gear up for Christmas! YEA!! I love Christmas. Matt got the lights up outside this weekend. We got the tree up inside. As one of my favorite songs goes..."It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!"

Thanksgiving

2008-11-24T08:06:00.002-07:00

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!! I know we are a few days off, but I also know most of you won't be reading blogs on Thanksgiving. I am starting to make some food today. I can't believe it is here already. This year has really flown by. I am believing that 2009 is not as hectic and crazy for our family.

What are you all doing for the big day? We are having some family over and just having a nice meal. Nothing over the top. Nothing fancy. But it will be nice to be together. We will put a puzzle together, watch some football and just relax. As the holidays are approaching I realize I have been thinking about dad a lot. It is sad, but I have been thinking about the good time with him, the funny stories, his loud obnoxious laugh and voice, and I smile. He would want us smiling and enjoying this time of year. I knew it would be hard about now, and it is harder than normal, but overall I am doing better than I thought I would be.

I have been reading the Black Friday shopping lists and am planning my attack on that morning. There is something about shopping at the crack of dawn. There is an excitement. There is adrenaline. I love it. I don't have too much to get, so I am not out all day, just for a few hours. I always go by myself. No one ever wants to join me.

I pray you all have a blessed day on Thursday. Enjoy those you are with, those you love. Think of everyone you are not with. We will be thinking of all of you. We love you! Happy Thanksgiving.

Christmas is around the corner!!

2008-11-17T19:22:00.002-07:00

I am still struggling to realize that in a week or two I will need to decorate the house for Christmas. Time has flown by, this last year. Why does it seem like time moves faster the older you get? The weather has been really nice here, so yesterday many neighbors were getting their Christmas lights up outside. We are headed for that this upcoming weekend. It should still be nice. It sure beats putting up lights in 20 degree weather with snow and sleet.

I have started my shopping. I love online shopping. I get a lot of things online each year. I also save several things and Matt and I take a day and finish up. The hard thing about waiting to shop is that sometimes you can wait too long and then you are out of luck. It is a balancing act, between me (the organize/early shopper) and Matt (the love to wait until the last minute shopper).

The basement is almost done. Praise God! We still have a lot of small things, but we are getting closer.

Matt was selected to the school board. He is excited about that. Hoping to help and make a difference.

Planning the Thanksgiving meal. Trying not to make it too boring...:)

My birthday is Wednesday. I have been sad the last few days thinking about my dad. I realized that this will be my first birthday, ever, that I haven't talked to my dad. The last few I was able to spend with him. I was told I would have moments that would be harder. This is one of them.

That's about it.

Happy Birthday to my Honey!

2008-11-11T07:14:00.003-07:00

November 11th, 1973, a baby was born.

November 11th, 2008, he is the love of my life!

Happy 35th to Matt...the man I love with, laugh with, share with, smile with, understand with.

I could not imagine my life without him. Today I thank him and celebrate him.

This is the 17th birthday I will be celebrating with him. I wouldn't have it any other way!

I love you honey. Have an amazing day! Happy birthday!

Prayers Needed - Again

2008-10-31T07:19:00.002-06:00

2 months ago we were preparing to lose my dad. We knew it was just a matter of days, 2 to be exact. We got through it. I think we handled things very well, and seemed to be able to stay strong. Yesterday we were dealt another blow. Life just doesn't seem fair, and my family (my brother and sister-in-law included) is getting tired.

Mark and Teri are expecting their first child in March. We are all so excited, as we weren't sure they would ever want to have children. We went to Mexico with them in June, and when we got back they got pregnant! We were all so thrilled. Teri's pregnancy would make any woman jealous. No sickness, a little bit of tiredness, but that is about it. She has been the over-cautious new mom to be, no caffeine, no alcohol, watching what she eats...Wednesday they went in for an ultrasound to find out what they were having. We were all so excited to find out. Mark sent me a text 15 minutes after the ultrasound began - " It's a boy!". 30 minutes later I got another text - " Are you home? We are coming over. It's not good news."

To make a long story short, they lost their baby. I went with them Thursday morning to a specialist, who confirmed that the baby's skull did not form fully. A big portion of his brain is outside of his head. He does not have a chance to survive. If he did live he would be a vegetable. The portion of his brain that is out involves his sight, cognitive skills, and it could be more as the pregnancy progressed. Mark and Teri were faced with one of the hardest decisions anyone could have. I spent yesterday with them. I cried with them. I grieved with them. Teri is distraught, and rightly so. They can have another baby, with the chances of this happening again slim to none. 6 months is the length of time to wait before they try again. But that doesn't take away the hurt and pain right now for them.

Please pray for them. Outside of Matt and the boys, there is no one I love more. They are our best friends, on top of being our family. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, let alone my baby brother. They know the Lord, but their relationship with Him is not close and strong. I know, with 100% of my being, that this horrible situation is going to draw them closer to Him, if they are open. I am pretty sure they are. God is the great comforter. God will provide them with peace. God will heal their hearts. God is God.

Life is too busy!

2008-10-21T08:30:00.003-06:00

I was shocked when I realized that it has been almost a full month since I last posted!! WOW!! Time has flown by. We have been swamped!

Here is a quick run down of the last month for the Barrett Family:

1) We went through dad's things and sorted them out. We took what we wanted. It felt okay.
2) Jake had his first school dance. He originally said he was just going to eat pizza and hang out with his friends. He ran in the house afterwards, said he LOVED it, and he even danced. His recommendation was to not eat pizza and drink soda right before they do the jump dance, where everyone is jumping. I have to say, this has pushed Matt and I to a new place in parenting.
3) Tyler went to Disney World with Matt's mom. He had a blast.
4) Jake went to Omaha to spend the weekend with Matt's dad. He had fun at the zoo and the water park.
5) Matt and I have been in the throws of finishing the basement. He has worked like a dog!! The good news is that it is drywalled, painted, carpet is in, doors and trim are up. The boys are excited to get into their rooms. There is a little left to finish, but not too much more. Matt's deadline he gave himself was Halloween. He should be right on schedule. Impressive. Matt has totally impressed me with this basement project. He has worked relentlessly. He has done a great job. He hasn't been too grumpy, even though he has been exhausted. The basement looks great! The electrical and plumbing are working great and seem to be set up nicely.
6) We just started making Christmas lists last night after dinner. Can you believe it is about 2 months away?
7) Matt is running for school board. We will find out in about 2 weeks.
8) I won a chili cook off contest at the school. The funny thing is, I forgot it was a contest. I just knew I was taking in a crock pot of chili for the teachers for their work day. Next thing I know, I was the winner!! That made my day. But kudos have to go to my mother in law, since it is her recipe!

I am wanting to start blogging more. Don't know if that will actually happen. Once the basement is done I have a lot to unpack and organize. But my goal is to be much better than once a month.

Homesick

2008-09-22T10:51:00.004-06:00

The last 3 weeks have been really interesting. Losing my dad was so hard, on one hand, and on the other hand, not as hard as I would have thought. Now that things have calmed down, I find myself thinking of him a lot. I think the song "Homesick" by Mercy Me sums it up. Thank you for your kind words and prayers.

HOMESICK by Mercy Me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow

I've never been more homesick than now

John Klever

2008-09-05T12:31:00.002-06:00

Most of you know that my dad has been ill, for almost 2 years, with cancer. It started out being diagnosed as lymphoma, and was then diagnosed as pancreatic cancer as well. He basically had 2 kinds of cancer at the same time. He was expected to live 3-6 months. He really hasn't felt well for the duration of his illness, but he did have better moments than others.

Tuesday, September 2 at 6:12am, my dad took his last breath. My stepmom, Barb, brother Mark, and I were all by his side.

I will post more next week, when I have time to think. But I did want you all to know that he is now whole and healthy in heaven. Pain is no longer part of his life. Sadly, he is no longer part of ours, here on this earth.

I am doing okay right now. I am not sure that reality has hit yet, but I know it will.

Thank you in advance for your prayers and support.

Vandalism + Dad= STRESS

2008-08-20T08:36:00.002-06:00

It has been a while, and in that time things have been rather hectic and stressful.

The boys are in the swing of school and doing well. There were a few adjustments to be made, but I think we are headed in the right direction. They are also dipping their hand in sports, with Jake doing a cross country club and Tyler doing flag football. I have to admit that being so busy during the week is not my favorite thing, but it will all end at the beginning of October, so it's really only a month-6 weeks of chaos!

The new house is almost done. We close on it 1 week from tomorrow. We were out there this weekend and discovered the inside vandalized with motor oil all over the walls and carpet. Come to find out, there were 6 houses total and we got lucky that our issues are not worse. They are working really hard to finish it up. We were supposed to have our final walk on Friday, but due to carpet getting installed, we now have it Monday morning. We are so close I can almost taste it.

Monday morning my dad went into the hospital. He is very, very ill again. They went in and put in another stent in his bile duct, but that procedure allowed the dr. to look and make a more accurate diagnosis. That diagnosis is that the cancer is spreading and growing fast. It has more than doubled in the last 7 weeks. He said he has a few weeks to maybe a couple of months, but it is over. The cancer has won. Dad will not make it. The question is how long will he be here. And of course, we don't have that answer. I have been able to realize that feeling you hear about, where family simply releases their loved one and tells them it's okay to go. I am at the place where I am at peace with this. He is so sick and if he doesn't improve enough to have a few good days, then I pray this is quick for him.

This week has been rather stressful, as you can see. I woke up this morning with the start of a cold. Normally this would be a simple annoyance, but right now this is major, as I cannot go be with dad if I am sick. So I am headed out to buy Zicam.

While dad has fought for 19 months now, and his death is not a "surprise" necessarily, this has been a hard week for me and my brother Mark. With death so close, it is sometimes overwhelming. I am just thankful that when he goes, I know where he is going- into the arms of Jesus. He will be whole. He will be happy. The sad thing is that he won't be here to be those things with us.

I will keep you all posted. Thank you for your prayers.

Everyone is Happy Today!!

2008-08-08T08:30:00.005-06:00

Today was the BIG DAY!! School started for both boys. They were so excited! I was so excited! Everyone was happy. The only bummer is that it is raining, so that means no outside recess, but they will get over that! Everyone was ready. Summer was fun, but both boys said yesterday they couldn't wait to get back to school.

For 10 1/2 years I have been a stay-at-home mom. I would not trade that for the world. There are days I would trade, days I'd like to forget, but I would never change the past 10 1/2 years. Staying home was a choice Matt and I made even before we were married. I didn't even think I would do anything else but raise the kids. That doesn't mean it was always my first choice for me, personally, but having kids means you don't get to be selfish all of the time. It takes sacrifice, work, dedication...but let me just say, I am more than ready to have my days back! Tyler is in school full days this year, so for the first time in a long time, I have from 7:45-3:30 to myself. I am sure that time will get filled with lots of things, but right now sitting in this quiet house and knowing I need to clean it, but also knowing the boys won't be here until 3:30 sure feels good!!

Camping Pictures

2008-08-06T20:00:00.003-06:00

Here are the pictures of our camping trip that were promised. Matt decided to go overboard and put them in video format.

Quick disclaimer from Matt.

***These pictures are not in any special order and are simply a montage of our family vacation. At 4-1/2 minutes long, it may be a bit more than you care to see unless you're close friends or family. Additionally, iMovie needs to have more transition effects available and I got bored with the simple cross-dissolve, sorry. I did get carried away a bit taking pictures of scenery, but am now considering opening up an account in iStock to post my pictures - just kidding... sort of. Finally, no comments on John Denver. The song was just too appropriate not to use and I kind of like it.***

Camping

2008-08-04T15:50:00.003-06:00

We are back from our last summer trip. We took the boys and went camping in Rocky Mountain National Park. We met up with my dad and step-mom. It was hot, but still a good time. Camping is not my #1 vacation, but it is good family time. We hiked, went to a few Ranger programs, played ladder golf, Blitz, Sorry....all in all, it was a good time.

It was also nice to spend some time with my dad. I realized this weekend that he is very good at acting like he is feeling okay over the phone, but in person it is a different story. It was hard, at times, to see him. He is sick and it doesn't seem like he is getting any better. We had some good chats with my step-mom, but dad wasn't much for talking. He had no energy. He was just a shell of the person I knew as my dad. That is very hard to take in. I have no idea how long he will be here with us. I am surprised he is still here now. But I feel like it will be sooner than later. So I was more than grateful for this past weekend. I might not have that again, like we did.

I will post some camping pictures in a little bit. Right now I have no idea where the camera is.

Pictures

2008-07-28T12:58:00.004-06:00

It is dry-walled and being textured as I type. The photos are just of misc. rooms in the house.

The one to left is in the dining room, with the arches. The bottom picture is also of the dining room.

The pics at the very bottom are of the family room, fireplace/entertainment area, kitchen, and master bed and bath.

We Have a Closing Date!

2008-07-28T11:49:00.002-06:00

The house is coming along, and so is our summer! We found out this weekend we have a close date of 08/28/08. It would have been nice to have gotten in sooner, but I am not complaining. I am glad we can get in before Sept 1 so we don't have to rent the rental house for an additional month. It will make it a tight time-frame, since Matt is headed to Chicago on Sept 2, but it will all work out. I am heading out this afternoon to take pictures. This week they should be painting the outside, texturing the inside and putting trim and door jams up.

We are leaving Thursday morning for our annual camping trip up to Rocky Mountain National Park. I am not a camper, but I do enjoy this annual trip. There is something about being away from phones, tv, computers and just enjoying nature and spending time together as a family. The boys (all 3!) are so excited. We will be there 4 nights. We get back on Monday and school starts Friday, August 8th.

I think the boys have had a good summer. Being in the rental house hasn't been the best, but we have all survived. It will make getting into the new house even better!

I will post some pictures later today from the house.

Home At Last!

2008-07-22T07:04:00.002-06:00

We are home from our great vacation. We had a great time. Boating, lots of tubing, shopping, a water park, movies...a very nice trip. We also got to spend time with some favorite friends from Mount Pleasant.

The boys also had fun at church camp (Jake) and a trip alone to Nana and Papa's (Tyler). We are home until the 30th, when we head up to Rocky Mountain National Park for a short camping trip. School starts August 8th. I think it is fair to say that we have survived summer, and can cruise through these last 2 1/2 weeks.

The house is coming along. I have to admit I was hoping more would be done while we were away, but it wasn't. And there was probably more done that it looks like. Matt keeps reminding me that it had to go through inspection before more could be done on the inside. They have it roofed, the front and back patios are poured, and all of the insulation is blown and rolled. All of the sheet rock was dropped in all of the rooms, and my guess is that they will start on that today. Progress is being made, and I am learning to be patient. I have to remind myself that they have made amazing progress in a short amount of time.

That is it for now. Have a great week!!

Big News

2008-07-10T22:19:00.002-06:00

Okay- last time we blogged it was about the house. We did our frame walk today and it looks good. While we are on vacation, starting tomorrow-the 21st, it should get drywalled, roofed and the rest of the cement outside done.

Jake is at church camp this week and Tyler is at Matt's parents' house for the week. I get Jake from camp tomorrow and then Matt, Jake and I fly to Kansas City to go to the lake for 10 days! We are so ready to take a break. I realize we just went to Mexico, but after living in a rental house with no space and 1% of our things readily available, it is time for all of us to get away.

But the big news in our life as of Saturday, July 5th, is that I am going to be an aunt!! My brother and sister-in-law are expecting and I am so thrilled for them!! It seems like maybe a March due date, but we don't know for sure. It is so exciting, as this will be the first niece or nephew for me or Matt. The other great thing is that we are right here, a few miles from them, and will get to walk through this whole process with them. We can be there to support them, laugh with them, and be a part of the baby's life. So congrats to them!!! We love you guys and are so happy for you!

It's Coming Along

2008-07-05T08:27:00.002-06:00

Well, it has been 2 weeks since we last updated you on the house. A lot has taken place and it is so exciting. I never knew I could get so excited about wood, screws and plumbing!

In the last 2 weeks our house has gone from one or two exterior walls to having almost everything on the outside done, including siding, windows and doors. The inside is framed out, the HVAC is almost complete and the plumbing is done. This week they will run electrical and then we go in for our pre-drywall inspection before we head to vacation. What will be so fun is to come back from vacation and see what has been done.

This whole process has been so great and fun to go through. Matt always said he wanted to build a house because he thought it would be fun. I didn't place much value in those words since he thinks a lot of things are "fun" that I don't think are. This has been! We have been very blessed to work with a great company and a great guy named Micah, who is always looking out for us.

So enjoy the latest on the house. We will see you in a few weeks. I will probably be blogging this week, but it won't be house related...you have to tune in and check it out.

House Update

2008-06-25T17:28:00.003-06:00

This is Matt (not Deann) - I've hijacked her blog so show you this video. Actually, our agreement was that I would shoot and edit pictures / video to show the progress of our new house being built and she would blog about it, but she's not holding up her end of the bargain and I got tired of waiting for her to blog about this video.

Don't give her too hard of a time about slacking, she's busy making me taco salad for dinner and I'm hungry and don't want her to take away my food as punishment for giving her a hard time.

So here is our first installment of the progress in the form of a Vlog (video log).

Enjoy!

My Colorado Rockie!

2008-06-13T08:22:00.002-06:00

Tyler had his very first t-ball game last night. What a great time! He is on the Colorado Rockies team, which he thinks is way cool!

Being the great dad that Matt is, he took a few of the video pieces he taped and made a mini-movie with them, just a couple of minutes.

We had a very happy boy last night. And of course a very happy mom, dad and grandma. He really is a slugger, and LOVES playing, even if in the middle of an inning he yells over to me to let me know Baxter, the dog, is eating grass! You gotta love 6 year olds!

A bunch of stuff!

2008-06-11T08:01:00.002-06:00

Since I haven't blogged in a while, I feel like there is so much to tell you. So maybe I will do this in 2 parts, so I don't overwhelm (or bore) you!

1) We are in the rental house for the summer and we got the old house sold and closed on! What a nice relief. The rental house is small, but we will manage. We are very blessed with what God has given us, so this is a gentle reminder of that.

2) Puerto Vallarta was so much fun, and so relaxing. It was exactly what we needed after the last few months. The funny thing is that we booked this trip long before the house was on the market or that we knew we would be moving. Just another confirmation that God knows what is best for us! There are a few stories for that, but really need to wait until I put pictures with them. Let's just say one involves me, water aerobics, and my new 80 year old friend named Michael!

3) Tyler has started t-ball, and loves it! He has told anyone who will listen to him, that he HAS to play t-ball b/c his mom is MAKING him. Now that he has had 3 practices he loves it and is really, really good at it. His first game is this Thursday.

4) Jake is with Matt's parents right now, having a much needed break from Tyler and getting to do some fun things. We have ventured to the pool a few times, but it really has not been warm enough with the horrible winds we have had. I am believing this will change, SOON.

5) The most exciting news is on the house. We had our construction meeting yesterday. We love the construction foreman. Great guy totally willing to work with us on small things that most people probably don't ask about. The garage and basement floors are poured, and today they are starting to frame!! I cannot wait to see walls go up! By the end of June the outside framing will be done and they will be heading inside. They told us yesterday we will definitely be in the new house in August some time. So now I am believing for the middle of August so I can go to Chicago with Matt for a week. He will definitely be going, since it's for work, but I will only go if we aren't just in the house for a few days!

We have tons of pictures of the lot, the cement, and today the framing. I will have Matt post those things either tonight or tomorrow, for all to see.

As usual, summer is flying by. Hope you all are having a great summer yourselves.

End of the Road!

2008-05-20T08:56:00.003-06:00

Considering it has been almost a month since I last blogged, I think it is fair to say we have been swamped! I don't have time right now to blog for long, but did want to update you all on what has been going on.

A week from today, May 27th, we close on the house we live in now. We will be moving this week to a rental house for 3 months, while they finish our new home. All has gone well with all of the transitions, thus far, and hopefully will through August.

The kids are finishing up school this week. Tyler had field day yesterday, Jake had his mock trial and field day yesterday, and today is the big science fair contest! Tomorrow is Tyler's choir concert, and then I think we are good to go for the summer. Tyler starts t-ball next week. Swim lessons, vacations, camps...

Matt and I leave May 30th for Puerto Vallarta!! While my life is crazy right now, going to Mexico will come at a great time. We will have moved all of our things, sold the house, and can literally relax. We also celebrate our 14th anniversary on the 28th.

We have pictures of the land, the hole, and all sorts of things. Since Matt is the one in charge of posting those things, it will all have to wait until we are back from Mexico. He is too detailed, and posting things could end up taking him hours he doesn't have until we are back!!

So we are busy, but come June we will have more time and energy to update you on all of the things in our lives. Have a great Memorial Day. See you back here in a few weeks.

SOLD

2008-04-27T15:54:00.002-06:00

We got an offer on our house yesterday. We accepted. Closing date is May 26th. This is the sequence of events over the last few weeks:

Sometime about 6 weeks ago: I had a weird dream that our house sold and I was dealing with a man from Chicago. (you'll understand more of this later)

Monday, April 14th: John Laing Homes calls and tells us they will not honor our contingency and that build time is 10 months out from when we close on the house we are in. Too long!

Tuesday April 15th: I go for my morning walk and pray, and feel peace that it will work out, and that I need to go look at other houses.

Thursday April 17th: I go look at houses with my realtor, realize there isn't much out there to buy that is what we want, but go look at a different builder and find a house I love.

Sunday April 20th: Go back out to the model and really start deciding that this might be the house for us.

Wednesday April 23rd: Reserve the lot with Capital Pacific. We have until Sunday to decide if we want to sign a contract.

Thursday April 24th: Realize that there is no immediate pressure to sell the house, so for the first time since we listed it, I relax.

Saturday April 26th: Wake up at 8am to a call saying we have a showing in 2 hours. We get an offer. We accept. We also find out that our realtor knows someone who needs a renter for their house for 3 months this summer, which fits perfectly into our time frame of needing a rental.

Sunday April 27th: Sign a contract with Capital Pacific. We realize Micah, the CP guy we are working with is from Chicago! (weird, I know)

The fun begins. They start on our house in the next week or two. Matt and I get to go pick out of all our "things" for the new house within a week or two. FUN!!! The house will be done by the end of August. School will just be starting, so it should work out perfectly! And through it all I have realized how much God had His hand in all of this.

Jack

2008-04-22T15:41:00.005-06:00

There is a little boy named Jack who is sick. He has cancer. I stumbled upon the blog his parents keep up, and ever since have felt drawn to a little boy and a family I do not know. I read the blog regularly. www.jackbrownappeal.org I have shed tears over the pain he and his family go through. They are from England, but are in the US trying to save Jack's life. And today I got out of my comfort zone and followed the Holy Spirit's leading....

As I read the blog today, realizing I had already read the latest post from last week, my heart moved in a way I had not experienced. I felt so drawn to Yvonne, his mother. My heart broke for the whole family. And then, after much debate with myself, I sent his mother an email. I know, is seems so weird, and I felt it was. Who writes a long, heart felt email to someone they have never met or talked to before? I kept it short and simple, reminding her that God is the healer and miracle worker. I told her I was praying for her, and that as a mother, my heart broke for her.

To my pleasant surprise, she emailed me back shortly after I sent it!! I hadn't expected a response, so getting one was amazing. She told me that there have been a few others, like myself, who had written her but didn't know her, but that they just felt led to do so. She credited one particular lady with helping her grow closer to God. And while I won't share her whole email, as it is personal, I did want to share the last little bit with you, to encourage you to follow the Holy Spirit's leading, to open your heart up to the possibility of doing something out of the ordinary.

"Sometimes yes, I get very, very down... especially on days like today when Jack is in pain and just wants cuddles until he falls asleep. Then when I get a chance to look at my email and find one from you... well it makes it all very much easier to bear. I see your email as yet another sign from God, not to get discouraged. You have absolutely no idea how much you have uplifted me Deann, thank you."

God is so good. He is the great comforter. And we are on this earth to be the physical form of His love for people, maybe even strangers.

Obstacles can be for a reason!

2008-04-22T11:26:00.002-06:00

My last post informed you all of the latest with our builder. I was very unsettled about the whole situation. I took time to pray about it and felt led to go look at already existing houses as well as some other builders in the community we want to live in. So my realtor and I went out last Thursday and looked. I am so glad we did this, for a number of reasons.

1) I realized that I don't want to move to a different house, unless it can be out at Banning Lewis Ranch.
2) I realized that we are priced very right, and that our house really is upgraded and beautiful compared to what is out there.
3) I went out to a new builder that I bypassed when I was originally looking at BLR.
4) I was able to see that maybe God had used this experience with the new house as a way of getting me to stop and listen.

God always has the best for us. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants to give us those. He has always been faithful to Matt and I, ALWAYS! Even during those times when we sit back and wonder when He would show up and intervene, he always does. The reality is that He is already there, just waiting for us to turn to Him.

What I found at the new builder, Capital Pacific Homes, is a house very similar to the John Laing we were going to build. It has a lot I like better, and a few things I don't. We figure unless we custom build a house we won't ever have a house that is exactly perfect to what we want. This house is in a much better location. Front views of Pikes Peak, on a cul-de-sac, backing to a greenbelt and trails. Price is about the same, maybe a little cheaper. All in all, I really like it. The best part of it all is that they will take our contingency for at least 90 days, and in the mean time build our house. If all goes well we could be in our new home in August or September. With John Laing we are looking at 10 months from when we close and move out of the home we are in now.

We are now faced with a decision. Which house do we build. I firmly believe that God had his hand in all of this, and by have an obstacle put in our path, we were able to find something that works better for us, in almost every way. I'll keep you updated.

Major Obstacle

2008-04-15T07:41:00.002-06:00

Well, we have hit a potential snag in the plans, and I must say how disappointed I am. Yesterday we got a call from the builder, letting us know that John Laing Homes had changed their policy, and would not be doing contingent contracts anymore. They will allow us to have our contract for 30 more days, but will cancel it if we don't have an offer on the house. They also said that they would not start building the new house until we had sold our current home. We were originally told that we could go all the way to drywall before we had to have the house sold.

So I have started rethinking what the best choice for us is. The best scenario is to get an offer on the house within 30-45 days. If that occurs I think everything will still proceed as planned. If not, we will have lots of things to think about. If we still list the house, which will be in the prime season, and sell it but have no contract to build, we run the risk of losing our lot and not being able to build what we want. I was walking and praying early this morning and thought we could always look at buying an already existing home, but one that has what we want. The boys got into the school on their own, without us needing to live out there.

Lots to think about. I am a planner, so I am trying to get all the different possibilities figured out. Maybe I should just pray and believe that we will know what to do, and let God do the rest. But it is a frustration and disappointment. So let's all put forth our effort and prayers that a buyer for the house will come in within the next month or so.

Time is Changing

2008-04-08T11:49:00.002-06:00

Matt's dad, Rick, retired at the end of February after decades of straightening people's teeth. This past weekend he had a retirement dinner to honor his staff. Matt, his sister Elizabeth and I all went back to surprise him. And it worked!! It had been months of secret emails, secret phone calls, frustrations...but I think it was worth it. He had no clue. And if you knew him, you would know how miraculous this was!

He is one of the most giving people I know, and never wants the attention on him. (I am sure he is not happy with me right now!) We wanted to do something for him, but didn't feel like anything we could do would ever show him how much we love, respect, honor and appreciate him. That is when we decided to just be there for him this weekend. I am so glad we did.

I understand more than I once did about kids and parenting. One thing I don't understand yet is how it feels to have your kids home, once they don't live with you anymore. But seeing and hearing how happy he was that his kids were home made me realize we had chosen our gift to him wisely. I pray I can be the kind of parent to my boys that makes them want to come home and be with us after they have their own families.

The sad part is the house Matt grew up in, since he was 18 months old, is now sold to someone else. So we surprised Rick this weekend, we celebrated, and we said goodbye to an integral part of Matt's memories, and mine as well. I have been around long enough that it was sad for me, too. But everything has a season. We are thrilled for his parents and this new journey they are now on. But I am ever so grateful that memories are stored in our hearts and minds, and not within 4 walls.

So congrats to my father-in-law. I couldn't have asked for a better example for Matt, on being husband and provider for our family. I couldn't have asked for a better father-in-law, even if he wallpapers totally wrong!!! :)

No news- other than a boy turns 6!

2008-03-26T17:09:00.002-06:00

We have made it 1/2 through the first week of spring break. That's right- they get 2 weeks, not 1. We also made it through the big day yesterday, of Tyler turning 6. He had one friend over, we went to lunch, bowled, had ice cream and then they played. Nothing over the top, but he loved every minute of it. We have a rule in our house, every other year they can have a bigger party, and on the off year they can have something smaller, with a friend or two. It seems to have worked out well. They understand it and never seem to mind. Enough with all of these parents who end up spending hundred of $$ on the birthday party alone, not to mention the gifts.

Nothing new on the house. Still waiting on ours to sell, but that's about it. They break ground on the new house in a few weeks. We get to go to the design studio in a few weeks. That will be very fun, at least I think it will. I told Matt we could do a test experiment and have people vote on the different choices we have to put in the house, and see what kind of house our family and friends would pick for us. Then I realized I might have 5 readers, so it probably isn't worth it. I think the DYI channel does something like this, called Blog Cabin.

Matt leaves Monday for Washington DC. He goes every year, and really enjoys it. So it is mom and the boys for the week. We will do some fun things, and I will work some, for the sanity! :)

For some reason I am simply shocked that it is almost April! Times seems to go by so quickly. We are 6 weeks away from going on a work trip to Durango, just Matt and I. We are 2 months out from heading to Puerto Vallarta for 5 days! That also means the boys are out of school in 2 months. Then we head into summer. Where does the time go?

Battle of the Mind

2008-03-17T20:06:00.003-06:00

I have spent the last week working around the clock to get our house on the market. Cleaning, reorganizing, painting...and now it's on the market. We have already had 2 showings, with one a good possibility.

I said in my previous post that God has always blessed us when it comes to real estate. We have almost doubled our down payment, by making money from the sale of previous homes. Selling houses is an easy thing for us to do, since we have done it too many times to count!

So I found myself today fighting off thoughts that were of no good to me. Thoughts of "what if it doesn't sell?" and others like that. The good news is that I caught myself. The ridiculous thing is that I was having them at all. Maybe I could have that thought in 4 months if we have no offers or showings, but now? All of this, even after we showed the house twice when it was only on the market 1 day. One of the showings put us on their short list.

So my question today is why the mind is so hard to control? Why, when I am firm in my faith and belief that God will provide and take care of it all, do I find myself having absurd thoughts? When I really think about it, I truly do not doubt God and His power. I know He is my provider. I believe in tithing, sowing and reaping, faith...so why do these thoughts come? How do I stop them?

A side note: my husband is swamped. But as soon as he has time, we will get the new blog up and going about the house. Until then you can read here for any updates. It will be 4 weeks before they start digging. We don't get to go to the design studio for a month, so things will be pretty quiet regarding the house for a while. But I will post more...I have a boy turning 6, 2 weeks of spring break coming up...stories for sure!

The Decision at Last!

2008-03-12T18:16:00.003-06:00

It has been almost a month, to the day, that we went and looked at home to build. The area we looked at is called Banning Lewis Ranch. You can actually go to their website and check it out for yourselves. It took forever to get the appraisal scheduled. It took even longer to get it back and then make a decision...

There are so many things to think about. We have never built a house before. Ranch style homes are very different for me. The school for the boys weighed heavily on us. The major issues about the house we are in now are very real, and there is nothing we can do to fix them. Increasing our mortgage a little bit is a little nerve wracking. Signing a contract to build with our current house not being sold is very scary.

So....we signed papers today to go ahead and build!!! We are both excited about it. The boys are more excited than we are! We met the general for the house, nice guy. We will go in to the design studio in the next week or two and pick all of the "things" out for the house. That will be a lot of fun. We have a time frame of November 12th, at the latest. It could easily be sooner, depending on weather. It is definitely not a done deal, as our contract with the builder is contingent upon our current house selling. I am not worried at all. God has always blessed us when it comes to houses. But, if it doesn't sell by a certain time, they do have the right to cancel the contract, we get our earnest money back, and all is good.

We will be getting the new blog up and running. It will become a joint effort between Matt and I. I will be doing most of the writing and he will be doing links, pictures, all of the technical stuff I have no clue how to do. You can join us for this journey!

The big decision right now is this:
We will have a stone on one of the walkways in the neighborhood since we are building in the first phase. We get to pick what we want it to say. We have 2 lines, with 20 characters on each. Any suggestions? I am thinking:

Grin and "Barrett"
Matt, Deann and Boys

Please give us your thoughts. We really have no idea.

Crazy busy!!

2008-02-29T11:15:00.003-07:00

Will life ever seem to slow down? My life has been crazy lately. The weeks have gone by so fast I thought yesterday was Monday!! ?? We don't have a lot of news on the house situation. We will by next week. We have had our house appraised, to see if we can get what we need to get out of it. We have the lot reserved for the new house. By this time next week I should have a good post with the latest news-to build or not to build.

I am now a mother of a 10 year old!! AHH!! Jake turned 10 on Monday the 25th. Matt's parents came for a few days for his birthday. He had a sleepover with 3 friends and went bowling. They seemed to have had a good time. It is amazing how life changes. The issues we now have with Jake are attitude issues, which I am thinking will be the issues for the next 8 years. The little kid issues are really leaving. Talking to him is so much fun. Spending time with him is getting to be more fun for us, as adults. It is also nice with both boys in school, as it allows Matt and I to spend more time with his parents when they are in town visiting.

My new business "The Shoebox Accountant" is off to an amazing start. I went to meet with my first potential client, who wants to use my 20 hours a week, exclusively. Works for me, since I was only wanting around 2o hours or so. He is willing to work with me, so I can work from home for a majority of those hours. I know I can help him out, which is a great feeling.

The latest on my dad is that the lymphoma is back. The pancreatic cancer has not diminished in size with the chemo, but has just changed shape. He has made the decision he is done with chemo treatments, which I support. He is going to do a alternative form of homeopathic medicine, but it is a magnetic machine??? Not too clear on the details of it yet, but that is the route he has chosen. His quality of life has not been good, so he is foregoing standard chemo to see if he can at least get some quality of life back, even if it is short-lived. As always, I will keep you updated on him. I am sure the next few months will be very telling.

Have a great weekend. I look forward to sharing the latest house news with you. So be sure to check back next week.

To build or not to build- that is the question!

2008-02-19T10:52:00.002-07:00

When we bought the house we are in right now we thought we would never move. We always say that, and we always move, usually after we do some sort of amazing project in the house that we love. Once again, we are faced with this decision.

There is a new "community" being built just a few miles from us. It is in Phase 1, which is always the cheapest phase to build in. In this neighborhood there is a huge pool/rec center, gorgeous facilities for outdoor and indoor entertaining, amazing parks and the best part is it has a charter school the kids would go to, which is the top in the city. I actually tried to get the boys in last year, but there was a wait list so they didn't make it. They are on the list again for this upcoming school year, but we haven't heard when we will know.

We found a house that we love! It has almost all of the things we are wanting. The problems we have with this house now are solved with the new house, like Matt having a "shop". We would build it, so we could pick out the things we want and tailor it more to our style. We can do it and barely raise our mortgage payment.

The problems: we have to sell our house. I know it will sell. I think we can get our money out of it without losing money. They will start building right away without waiting for our house to sell. What if our house sells right away and we have no place to live for 4-5 months? What if the house gets done and we haven't sold our current house? Is it worth the risk to lose the $3000 earnest money? Is it worth max $100 more a month on the mortgage to get the house we want, in the neighborhood we want, with the boys at the best school in the city?

If we do it, I told Matt we should make the house building experience our blog, so you all can follow along. I will keep you posted.

Please feel free to weigh in. All opinions welcome! And if I don't like yours I will just take it off the comment section! :)

Updates

2008-01-24T09:12:00.000-07:00

I realize I don't regularly blog much anymore. For one thing, I don't have much time to do it. The other thing is that I don't have much to say. So our lives go on daily, with nothing new, which is just great for me!!

I did think it might be a good idea to update everyone on our life, so here it goes:

My dad: he is still doing chemo, which seems to be shrinking the tumors but also is weakening him and killing his bone marrow. This past year has been the biggest emotional rollercoaster that seemed to have stalled my life for a while. So I made the decision in November that until we are at the end, I have to continue on with my life the way I would if he was healthy. I just hit a wall and couldn't keep putting my heart and emotions and life out there anymore, like I had been. And I think he is trying to live life to the fullest while he is still living. The cancer will kill him. We just don't know when. He could be here 1 month-5 years. Who knows! But know I will always keep you informed of any major changes. I feel like we have been crying wolf for a few months, coming very close to losing him, and now he is doing better. I guess that is the nature of the beast.

The family: The boys are great and back in school! Jake is counting down until he turns 10 a month from tomorrow. They are playing a lot of wii! One day, when I can get my husbands help, I will post the video from Christmas morning when they opened it. It is sure to make you laugh! Matt and I are great as well. We have only skied once this year, but are planning a few more days with the boys soon. We are both still exercising and losing weight. He still likes his job and I am getting ready to wet my feet in some small business bookkeeping.

Christmas: We had a great Christmas day! Never mind my youngest son was up almost the whole night. I got to bed at 4:30am, when I knew he was finally asleep. He went to bed at 9 and was up at midnight and pretty much up until about 4:30. UGH!! My dad and Barb came over, along with my brother and sis-in-law. Later in the day my mom came over. A lot of family, but a nice day. We flew out to Matt's parents the next morning, EARLY, to see them. We had a nice time, but I don't think I would want to do that every year. Or maybe go on the 27th instead of the 26th. We came home to a Christmas mess that I didn't have time to get cleaned before we left!! :) But it was okay and worth it to see them. The boys have always been close to them.

I think that is it. Nothing new. It is weird how, after 2 years of being out here, it feels like we are finally fully settled in. I feel like I can breath again.

Tyler's Book

2008-01-17T08:37:00.000-07:00

One day I am going to write a book about all of the hilarious and sweet things my youngest son says. There is something about a cute little blond boy saying things that said by anyone else could make you cry! :)

About a month ago Matt and I were going out to dinner. I came downstairs, hair and makeup done, dressed up. You have to realize that during the week I am not "made up" as much, since working out has become my daily routine. So when I got to the kitchen Matt says something to the effect of how nice I look. Tyler then says, " Mom, you are prettier than an elephant in a chicken suit!"

This morning I went downstairs to get Tyler breakfast. As I was sitting at the table eating my cereal with him, my hair still bedhead, he looks up at me and says, " Mom, you are really pretty, in a messed up way!"

Merry Christmas!

2007-12-21T08:10:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas!! Happy Holidays!!

From the Barrett house to your home, we wish you a very merry Christmas and a most prosperous 2008! Enjoy your family, friends, health and well-being this holiday season. We treasure all of you, whether you are family or friends. And we pray God's best for you this season. Be safe and healthy.

We will be home for Christmas day to spend it with my dad. Then we head out to Lake of the Ozarks on the 26th-31st to see Matt's parents. Home just in time to ring in 2008! And no better place to do that than the place we have called home and loved for 2 years now!

If you missed the mass email or don't visit Matt's blog, we also have a video Christmas card for you to enjoy! Just go to www.mbbarrett.blogspot.com.

Again, have a blessed holiday season! And remember why we really celebrate!

Merry Christmas!

Making a list and checking it twice!

2007-12-14T11:46:00.000-07:00

Well, we are one step closer to it being Christmas. I love Christmas. I have my list of things to do and it is getting smaller, which is a good thing.

Making Christmas cookies - DONE
Christmas cards in the mail- DONE
Christmas shopping complete- DONE
Toys bought for the Angel tree- DONE
All parties for the season- DONE
Grocery shopping for food for the big day and night before- DONE
Having snow for a white Christmas- DONE

What is left:
wrapping presents
cookie trays to neighbors
Jake's Christmas concert
both boys' holiday school parties

So I am thrilled that what is left is the fun things. I love to put in a Christmas movie and wrap presents. I think I have it worked out to where I can just take the next 10 days and be home to enjoy the holidays. I am so glad I got things done early.

Enjoy the holidays! And all that goes with them!

The Best Christmas Present

2007-12-06T08:22:00.000-07:00

What is the best Christmas gift of all? I am sure everyone has their own opinion on this topic. World peace is always a standard, no more sickness (I can relate to this because of dad), and many others. But I wanted to take a moment and share with you what I believe is one of the best gifts of 2007!

Our friends Shannon and Adam in Oklahoma have been in the adoption process for almost 10 months. They have a little girl in Guatemala, Analise, waiting for all of the processes to be done so she can come home with her mommy and daddy. Shannon has been to Guatemala once and got to spend time with Analise. Adam has never seen her in person, UNTIL NOW!!!

They just heard yesterday that they are all approved and get to go pick her up on the 11th!!! A week from now, Analise will be home, in Oklahoma with her mommy and daddy! What a long process this has been for Adam and Shannon. But Shannon's faith in the Lord to be in control of this process has been a testimony to me and lots of others. She never doubted that God was in control, had His hand in this and would be faithful to them.

So I cannot think of a more special couple to have such a wonderful Christmas present. Being able to be mom and dad to this special little girl, after waiting for so long to become parents. God is so good!! Congrats Adam and Shannon! You deserve this happiness. And MERRY CHRISTMAS EARLY!!

Do I Have Your Address???

2007-11-11T19:59:00.000-07:00

I know it seems early, but I am getting ready to write, print and address my Christmas cards. Now that postage is so high, it can be frustrating to get a card back due to an incorrect address. So this is my plea to all of you: could you please email me or Matt with your latest address? Matt has suggested just making the Christmas letter and picture available online on our blogs, but I think that is a bit impersonal. I want to keep up the Christmas card and letter tradition, but do not want to be sending them to the wrong addresses. So PLEASE let us know your current address, or where I should send your card.

We are on the countdown to Christmas. The movie Santa Claus was on tonight on Disney, which really made me start to get into the Christmas mood. Tyler wants to decorate the tree tomorrow, which is NOT happening since it is not even up. I have a good portion of my shopping done. My mom and I have already started talking about a day of baking. The neighbors were putting up their Christmas lights this afternoon in the nice weather. It is close.

So please help me out. And start getting ready!!!

Happy Birthday to Matt!!

2007-11-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

Sunday, November 11th is Matt's 34th birthday.

It is hard to believe we started dating when he was 17! That means we have now been together for 1/2 of his life. WOW! This will be my 17th birthday celebration with him.

His celebration won't be any big deal, because he never wants it to be. We will hit the golf course, I will make a carrot cake that only he and Tyler will eat (that's the joy of it being your birthday, you can pick whatever cake you want no matter how many people like it) and we will give him his presents. Once you have kids there has to be at least a mini-celebration.

So happy birthday honey. You deserve a wonderful birthday for being such a great dad and hubby. You work so hard. You take such good care of us.

Happy birthday my love!!

Christmas and Snow

2007-10-23T18:23:00.001-06:00

Sunday morning we woke to our first snow of the season. It was fluffy not deep but more than a dusting. Tyler could not figure out why we were going to church since it was snowing. So we loaded into the van and listened to Christmas music on the way to Walmart to pick out the boys' pumpkins to carve for Halloween.

I have never cared much for Halloween. But Christmas is a whole different ball game. I love it! I love the decorations. I love the feel everywhere. I love shopping. I love giving gifts to people. I love spending time with family. I love the music. I love sitting by the tree at night with no other lights on but the tree lights, drinking hot coco and snuggling up to my honey. I just love it.

So I have started my list of things to purchase in the next 2 months. I already have a good start for the boys, but am not done. It is a hard balance for Matt and I, since I like to shop EARLY and he loves the thrill of shopping on the 23rd, or better yet the 24th.

The first snow always puts me in the mood for the holidays. I cannot believe they are almost here, already. It seems like we just put everything away from last year. But I am gearing up and getting ready. And remember, Christmas is 2 months from this Thursday! So get your lists ready and let the shopping begin!!!

Big News!

2007-10-18T19:26:00.001-06:00

I just had to blog about my youngest son. He just learned an important milestone in life last night. I wish I had taken a picture to show you, but I didn't. Sorry.

Last night I went outside to see my youngest son Tyler riding his bike, all by himself with no training wheels!! The smile on his face said it all. We have tried off and on to work with him, with no results. So last night something clicked and off he went. I think he feels like he is finally a "big boy". He is thrilled he can ride with Jake and the other neighbor kids and not have to tag along way behind on his scooter.

Another few things:
1) showed me yesterday at a park that he can now do the monkey bars
2) asked me the other night, "Mommy, if you died would daddy get a new girl?"
3) told me this afternoon that going down the driveway and hitting a bump on his bike was a "nutcracker", which I later informed him (after I went inside and laughed my head off) that we should not call his "parts" "nuts".

My question is why I am always the one to have to deal with everything? Where is Matt when I need him? So the best is when I called Matt to tell him about the "nutcracker", to which he says "that is awesome!" Maybe there is a reason I deal with it all!

How do I give this a title?

2007-10-16T18:00:00.000-06:00

In the last few weeks life has been crazy, hectic, busy...but I am still here, smiling most days, appreciating life.

My dad got out of the hospital last Tuesday night. At 8pm, Matt and I and Mark and Teri went over to dad's house for a "meeting". The good news was that dad was feeling well enough to go home. The stent they put in his liver was working, so the immediate threat due to the failing liver was over.

The bad news: the biopsy showed that the remaining cancer is pancreatic cancer which had metastasized to other areas. There areas are not confirmed, but doctors think it has spread to the liver, adrenal gland and around his aorta. One doctor gave him 6-12 months. Another doctor told him if he got 6 good months he would be a blessed man.

While I have thought since January that this whole situation really wasn't good, for some reason I had a hard time with this news. It was finally real. And now the process begins of helping him live life and then helping him let go when the time comes. He specifically asked us if we could do those two things. And while logic says "yes", it was very hard to process.

I am very sad, for multiple reasons. How do you say goodbye to someone you love, forever? How do I prepare my heart to let him go? How will life be without knowing I can pick up the phone to call him? How weird will it be on my birthday not to hear from him? Or any of the holidays? Will my boys remember him? Will he be scared to die? The list goes on.

The one thing I can always count on and rest in is that God is with me. The joy of the Lord is my strength. He is the best comforter there is. He brings me peace when I feel none. And the best news of all is that I do know my dad will be in heaven when it's his time. And while that is not necessarily comforting right now, I know it will be at the right time.

updates

2007-10-06T08:06:00.000-06:00

I must say that the last week of my life has not been fun. When I think about it all I am surprised at how we handle stress. So here was my last week in bullet points:

* Last Thursday I had 2 wisdom teeth out. That went great, no problems.

* Friday my dad takes a turn for the worse. He really starts not feeling well. His liver seems to be slowly shutting down.

* Saturday I head over to dad's house. I walked out on his deck to say hi, as he is sitting in the sun due to his jaundice, and am literally shocked at how he looks. He looked like he was 75 and about to die! WOW! While I am there hanging out, the reality of him dying hits me- HARD! I have been keeping a realistic outcome since January about him, but for some reason this day I could barely handle it. I had emotions I didn't know I would have. I will post another day about those. So while I am there I start feeling like I am getting a fever, which prompts me to leave.

* The next 3 days I am home in bed with a fever, shivering, every ounce of my body aching to the point that I can barely walk.

* Tuesday went over and hung out with dad in the afternoon. He had a procedure done on Monday, so I thought I would go spend time with him. I left at 2pm, by 5'ish he was going downhill fast. By 8pm he was in the ER with his blood pressure 70/40 and in horrible pain.

*Thursday I had one kid home due to no 1/2 day kindergarten. The other came home with the flu by 9:30 that morning. I had one of the worst headaches I have ever had, which sent me to the chiropractor 2 times in one day. I cooked a bunch of Mexican food for a get together Matt was having Friday night at our house for one of the classes he is teaching.

* Friday I met with my trainer. We did weigh in and measurements. It has been 3 1/2 weeks since we started meeting. I lost 10 lbs and 1 1/2 inches off of my waist and hips! I also got another awful headache. Matt had 10 freshman over for dinner.

* Dad is still in the hospital. Everything is taking a turn for the worse. More and more problems are occurring. I honestly don't know if he will get out. I am heading there this afternoon.

* We have our church life group here tomorrow night. The boys leave Monday to go be with Matt's parents for a week. The timing really couldn't be more perfect for them to be gone. It will free me up to see dad as much as I want, and will also give me some time to try and rest and recuperate.

Thanks for listening. I am believing that next week will be better. Maybe not all aspects, but there are some I could do without. Dad will still be sick, but I don't have to be. Have a good weekend!

Taking a Break

2007-09-28T09:17:00.000-06:00

Things in my life have been unpredictable and busy. I am not sure if I will be blogging much anymore, or at least for a while.

Things with Matt and the boys are great. The boys are loving school and are getting ready for their fall break in a week. They are flying to join Matt's parents for a week, which they will love!

I had my wisdom teeth out yesterday. Surprisingly I have had very little to no pain at all. Other than repeating myself 5 times about my IV on the way home and not remembering hardly anything, things went great.

The real reason the blogging may be sporatic is that my dad is not doing well and I am not sure how much longer he will be with us. Things since July have been iffy with no help from any doctors. He has gone downhill this week, rapidly. His liver is not working and the cancer is still around the heart and the pancreas and growing. His heart is so weak they don't think they could do anymore chemo if they knew what to do. So right now things aren't looking good at all and I have a feeling that the next few weeks will be busy with him. I will try to keep you updated on him, or at least have Matt keep you updated. We will know around noon today if he is going to be hospitalized today.

We would appreciate your prayers. My prayers lately have been for honesty from the doctors, even if it is not good news, and that his pain can be managed so no matter how long he lives he is not miserable.

Processing the thought of losing a parent is different and new to me. I don't feel like it has truly hit me yet, but I am sure it will. Thank you all for your support, love and prayers.

One Week Down!

2007-09-18T18:21:00.000-06:00

Well, I have survived my first week of training with my trainer, working out 6 days of the week, changing how I eat, and drinking more water than I ever imagined. I actually was surprised at how good I felt 24 hours after my first workout with Steve. I truly had anticipated crawling around on my hands and knees the day after and I was in pretty good shape. Sure I felt like I had worked out, but nothing horrible.

So I met with Steve again today. WOW! First of all, I made the comment that I should be able to handle my session better today b/c I have been doing cardio all week. He then reminds me that he wants it always to push me and that he will just have to push me harder. HUH? He trained me hard, I was more sweaty than I care to be, and then went over my food for the week. Let me just say I did well, really well. Let us all remember that I am paying Steve to work me hard and hold me accountable. I was trying to remember that when he questioned why I ate 1/4 cup of m&m's when I was hundreds of calories shy of my daily calorie goal, instead of making better food choices to fill those calories. SMILE! He had a point, and b/c he wasn't my husband I couldn't roll my eyes and ignore him. So I left and realized I was a hazard on the road b/c my arms could barely stay on the steering wheel due to muscle exhaustion! YIKES!

In all seriousness, Steve is a great guy who is doing his job. He keeps showing me I can be pushed more than I ever thought. Matt is in Denver this week on business. He is staying at a hotel, eating out daily....can't wait until he meets up with Steve Thursday night!!

Oh My!

2007-09-12T11:28:00.000-06:00

So I just walked in the door from my first workout with my new trainer Steve. He truly is a nice guy. But I honestly don't know if I have ever worked out so hard in my life. And the most amazing thing is that I did no cardio! By the end of our session he said he could see it in my eyes I was nearing the end, I felt slightly sick and light headed. No pain, no gain??!?

What I found amazing was I knew when I was doing certain things, that if I would have been on my own or with Matt, I would have quit. But with Steve looking over me I dug deep and found my inner strength to finish up, all the while my body was screaming "NO!! QUIT!!" But I am too strong willed and proud to look like a wimp on my first day. So I made it. I did all of the exercises and weights, and then on my own did an additional 25 minutes of cardio. And now that I have a clear head, I am proud I did it I am amazed that I did it, and then I laugh that I am paying for this!

I was nervous and a little scared to go today. My perception is that others would see me and think all sorts of things. Then I realized a few things:
1) Most people look at me working out and are glad I am doing something about it.
2) If they think awful things, I don't know it, so what do I care?
3) My trainer thinks it's awesome I am working hard towards my goals.
4) My family supports me 100%
5) It's really about me and no one else.
6) It seems that every aspect of my life is better when my diet and exercise are in control.

I am excited about this new part of my life. Even if I can't walk or move my arms tomorrow!!

Steve's My Man

2007-09-10T15:55:00.000-06:00

Don't worry, I am still happily married to Matt!! :)

But today I met a new man who is going to help me change my life. Steve.

Steve is my new personal trainer. I just spent and hour with him. He is kind, knowledgeable, driven...and he plans on kicking my hind end into shape. The funny thing is that when I signed Matt and I up for personal training sessions, I told the guys there to give Matt someone who will really work him HARD. Steve. I thought it was great when they were telling me stories about Steve and how hard he works people. Perfect for Matt, I thought. But the joke was on me, because not only is Steve training Matt, but he is my trainer as well.

In all seriousness, even though losing weight and getting into shape seems like something I should be able to do on my own, I am just not getting it done. Someone told me today I should not feel guilty about it, if in the end I achieve my goals. So I am not feeling guilty and Steve is going to work for his money! Already he has shown me a lot of things, and we didn't even have a "real" session. He took measurements, weight, body fat (that is fun!) and then told me very confidently that if I am serious about this that I can accomplish my goals. Sometime it is good to have someone who isn't related to you tell you you can do it.

I will keep everyone updated on my progress. I just wish the sessions weren't so expensive. I would use him until I met my goals. But even if he gives me a good start, it is better than where I am at! So here is to the start of my new journey to the new me!!

So Many Things in 2 Months

2007-09-05T08:05:00.000-06:00

So it has been 2 months since I last posted. As I predicted, I was too busy with kids and summer to post. So I will sum up the important events that went on over the last 2 months:

1) Jake made it through his week at church camp and loved every minute of it. However, we did have to endure the 45 minute ride home listening to every camp song known to man! I think it brought back fond memories to Matt. Not to mention hearing stories of what the girls did to the boys and vice versa! I do think the girls won!
2) We went on a 5 day family camping trip to Rocky Mountain National Park. We had a wonderful time and loved it! Vacations are getting more fun now that the boys are getting older, which brings me to #3.
3) Tyler started kindergarten!! ( I will post a picture later) I got a little choked up, only b/c it marks the end of a time in our lives with no more babies at home, but he was ready and so was I!
4) Jake started 4th grade!! UGH!! I am feeling so old!
5) We have remodeled the family room and basement. Matt has custom built shelves for the family room. I am happy to say it looks great and is ALMOST done!
6) Jake ran for student council and won! I am thinking lawyer or politician...have you heard him talk? :)
7) Matt climbed his first 14'ers with my brother Mark. They had a good time, got sick and sun burned but now have that sense of accomplishment that men have to achieve through physical pain. I can feel a sense of accomplishment when I am at a spa relaxing!! I don't know why they have to make it so hard.
8) Matt is now teaching 2 classes for UCCS and loving it. His small group is the sought after group that everyone wants to be in!
9) We had an uneventful, yet wonderful, labor day weekend.
10) We watched a great movie that I recommend to all: The Ultimate Gift
11) We are getting ready to embark on a new journey. We have hired personal trainers for a limited number of sessions, hoping that this will get us going in the right direction! We haven't started yet. I will keep you updated.

I have a lot of stories to tell, but thought I would do the summed up version today. I plan on posting more regularly so I can tell some of those stories! All in all, we had a great summer. I survived! The boys are alive and well! And it is time to get back into a routine and schedule. Hope you are back to read about our wacky and crazy life!

A Little Boy No More!

2007-07-10T09:59:00.000-06:00

Jake is off to church camp for the week. Tyler and I took him up to Camp Golden Bell yesterday, which is up in Divide, CO. He was so excited to go!! He went to a shorter version of church camp 2 summers ago and loved it.

Jake has always been my jet setter. He has flown out to NYC by himself to meet up with family. He has gone to a 3 day camp at the age of 7. He doesn't know a stranger. So imagine my surprise when I got choked up leaving him at camp yesterday! I wasn't upset about leaving him. He has been away from me for days at a time since he was little. And while this will be the longest he will be away without being with family, I think what got to me was how amazing he is! I was leaving him at camp for a week where he did not know a soul, and he was just fine. He did not have any friends or other kids from our church going with him. He stood there and smiled and waved as I left, and was by himself with nobody he knew! How many of us adults would or could want to do that?

This time seemed like a milestone in Jake's life. He is no longer a little boy. I find myself asking "when did he leave the little boy behind?" Both of my boys have a stuffed Eeyore that has been their "blankie", so to speak. I don't know if Jake has been without it for more than 1 night at a time. He decided, when we were packing Sunday night, that he was at the age where Eeyore did not need to go everywhere with him, and that he would be just fine. GULP! While I am glad he reached that conclusion, it also supports my conclusion he is not a little boy anymore. Did I sleep well last night? I found myself, for the first time in years, waking up in the night praying for Jake and wondering if he was sleeping well.

I am sure we will have stories to tell you all. I know he is having fun and probably not missing me. Today he gets to ride a horse! But oddly enough, leaving him at camp this time felt more like leaving him at school for the first time. I sent him with stamped envelopes to send letters to his family. We'll see if we get one!

My Dad

2007-07-05T11:48:00.000-06:00

I have not updated lately on the status of my dad. Most of you know that in January he was diagnosed with Lymphoma. It was pretty severe, throughout his body. He has had 6 rounds of chemo and was hoping his latest PET scan would show he was in remission and he would need only 2 more rounds of chemo. Sadly, this was not the case today.

My dad had his scan last week and went in for results today. The chemo got rid of most of the cancer. However, there are still 2 big spots, one around the pancreas and one in the aorta/diaphragm region, that the chemo has had little to no effect on. Obviously this is not the result the doctors were hoping for.

My dad's current dr. does not know what to do from here, so he is going to send him to an even more specialized cancer doctor in Denver. Things are up in the air right now. We don't know if anything can be done. If there is a possible treatment, we know it will be the hardest out there. The road ahead is not going to be easy, whether there is or is not anything that can be done. There is talk of some sort of stem cell treatment, where he would have all of his white blood cells completely obliterated in hopes to kill off the cancer. He would be quarantined for several weeks. Not fun. At this stage we don't even know if that is an option.

Needless to say, it is a hard day for my dad. Naturally he is disappointed and sad. But I hold fast to the knowledge that God is the healer and that with God nothing is impossible. My prayers are not only for full restored health for my dad, but also for his heart and mind to be healthy as well. That discouragement will not set it and that he will keep up the positive attitude. I would appreciate your prayers as well. Thanks!

Miss Potter

2007-07-02T07:58:00.000-06:00

Matt and I watched a wonderful movie last night. Miss Potter with Renee Zellweger. It was PG (nice for a change) and absolutely wonderful. If any of you have seen and enjoyed "Finding Neverland" with Johnny Depp, which is about the creator of Peter Pan, then you will also enjoy "Miss Potter". It is about Beatrix Potter, the author and illustrator for Peter Rabbit, along with hundreds of other children's stories. She is the best selling author of children's books of all time.

It was clean, sweet, magical, interesting and true. When it was over Matt and I both commented on how wonderful it was and how much we enjoyed it. Will it win any awards? Probably not. As always, Renee Z. did a great job. What is amazing is how ahead of the times Beatrix Potter was for her time.

So if you are wanting to see a clean, sweet movie this is it. Thoroughly enjoyable. I think Jake would have enjoyed it as well. Tyler is too young to, but older kids could really like it. It is nice to see family movies. This was even more fascinating as it was true.

Vacations and Summer

2007-06-25T13:46:00.000-06:00

It has officially been one month since my last post. My father-in-law pointed out to me this past week that my last post was about school being out. My point exactly! School is out, which means I don't have much time. I also realize that there is a chance no one even reads this anymore. HA!

It is hard to believe that the first month of summer is pretty much over. Time has flown by and we have had fun. We spent quite a few days at the pool, had 2 weeks of swim lessons and then went on vacation last week to the Lake of the Ozarks. We were gone for 9 days, and it was great. We had a great time. Spent some time with Matt's parents in their new home, which is beyond beautiful. Then some friends from Iowa came down and spent a few days. It was a fun vacation and much needed.

The rest of the summer includes Jake at Nana and Papa's house until this Thursday, July 4th, Jake's church camp for a week, camping in the mountains for 4 days, the boys going to Nana and Papa's for a few days and then the week countdown to the start of school happens! It is crazy! We also want to head to Denver for a quick 2 day trip to go to Six Flags and a few other things there.

It has already been fun. The boys have had fun so far. Mom and dad have had fun and are still as sane as they were when school was in session. And it is 1/2 over. Who knows, it might be another month before I post again! Hopefully not. I will try to put up some pics of our vacation. What are you doing this summer?

School's Out!!

2007-05-25T12:38:00.000-06:00

Well, it is officially the start of summer around here. Tyler finished his preschool career this morning and Jake should be home any minute finishing out his 3rd grade year! Time just seems to go by so fast. It is so weird to think that I basically have a 4th grader and a kindergarten child!

So we are off...we have a fun filled summer planned. Swimming, swim lessons, a trip to the Lake of the Ozarks, camping in the Rocky Mountains, $1 movies on Tuesdays when they are 1/2 off, library times, Elitch Gardens and the children's museum in Denver, church camp for Jake...we should be busy enough I won't go insane, but should also have enough down time they feel like they had a good break from school.

It is that time of year again! I am sure I should be able to entertain you this summer with stories I can guarantee will make you laugh. They might not be funny to me, but isn't there a word that describes taking pleasure from someone else's pain? :) No, it should be fun. And it will be nice to not be on as much of a schedule as we are during the school year.

What are your plans for the summer?

Mother's Day

2007-05-14T01:13:00.000-06:00

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms!

I had a great day today with the boys and Matt. They brought me a breakfast of waffles, strawberries and orange juice into bed! They were more excited than I was, I think. They got me the pedicure I had asked for, as well as new measuring spoons and cups. I know, not very exciting, but it was exactly what I was wanting. We went to church where I won the drawing for the free professional house cleaning!! WOW!! What a day! Then we went and had a BBQ at my mom's house. All in all, a nice and uneventful day, which is just how I like it. Both boys made me cards at school, which is so much nicer than a $4 Hallmark card. I like Hallmark, don't get me wrong, but with the ages the boys are, the handprint card from Tyler and the puppy pop-up card Jake drew were much more special and meaningful.

We came home. Matt took Jake out on his first run. And Tyler proceeded to demolish a small matchbox truck he found in the yard with a HUGE rock. It was one of the funniest things I have seen in a while. He worked and worked on smashing this truck. It entertained him for at least 20 minutes. Then he came in, with a HUGE smile on his face, and showed off all of the smashed parts and proclaimed with such pride that he had used a big rock to do the deed. A moment I will remember forever.

The night ended with the movie "Because I Said So" with Diane Keaton and Mandy Moore. I found it a funny movie. No award winner, but I don't think they all need to be. Honey, you did a good job this year!! Thanks!!

And thank you to all of the moms out there, who brought us all into the world, and swore up and down they would take us out!!

Smoking, drinking, sex and R ratings!

2007-05-11T08:35:00.001-06:00

I was watching Good Morning America this morning and heard some interesting information about how they are going to make changes to the rating of movies. Right now, R ratings are based on sex, drugs and violence (and adult content). They are now going to include smoking to that list. I am pleased to see this. I think we have all gotten so accustomed to seeing people smoking in movies that we probably don't even think much about it. This does not mean that mentality is good.

As a mother of 2 boys, I try to monitor what they watch. It seems natural to say no to a movie that will have sex or drugs in it. But honestly, I don't know that smoking is something I thought of very much. The boys are hilarious when we are out in public. They will, in their not-so-quiet voices, point and say "that person has a smoker". They call cigarettes "smokers".

I am so happy to see this tightening down on the standards. I think there needs to be more. And I think television should definitely follow suit. I am tired of not being able to turn on the TV at 7pm with my kids in the room because even the sitcoms that air at that time are unacceptable for my kids. I remember when it was television programming for the family until 9pm. There are very few shows on now, on the major channels, that I feel my boys can watch. That is one of the reasons why we have cable. It is a huge frustration with me, but I think society has just accepted the changes and we just move on and deal with it.

Kudos to the people who changed the movie rating system to include smoking!!

Are mom's made for video games???

2007-05-09T17:35:00.000-06:00

Tyler is our "gamer". That kid LOVES to play video games. He loves to rent new games. And I have never played with him, or even with Matt and Jake...until today. Matt and Tyler decided last night that I would be able to play Tyler's latest rental "Over the Hedge". So this afternoon I headed to the basement with my 5 year old....

I am not made for video games. I have a headache. I am frustrated. I got beat by my 5 year old. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt like I had not control. Tyler had to tell me what buttons to push. Tyler yelled at me because I wasn't helping him out! UGH!!

But I will say this- he was SO happy I played with him. He smiled the whole time. He laughed and laughed at me. The first words out of his mouth when Jake got home from school were "mom played video games with me!" It might not have been my first choice of how I would spend my afternoon...but then again, once you have kids their first choice often becomes yours.

An Honor and Priviledge!

2007-05-08T07:31:00.000-06:00

Since moving to Colorado Matt and I have developed several new friendships. One has been with someone who is actually from Iowa, and whose family actually started going to Matt's home church about 11 years ago. Caydee and Jason Bell moved here in August. We had never met them, but one day in church we turn around and Caydee and her sister Cayla are sitting a few rows behind us. From that day forward a friendship was forged. It would be a great story for me to say that the 2 couples have become amazing friends, BUT- in October Jason was deployed to Iraq. He is JAG, and is there on his 2nd tour. So, while Caydee has become one of my closest friends, Jason has not been here. They have 2 boys. Caydee and I just clicked like we had known each other forever. Matt and Jason are similar, and have emailed back and forth some, but once home we have no doubt the friendship there will grow. But Sunday night our friendship took a turn. We went to a new level...

Caydee found out in September she was pregnant with their 3rd child. (not planned) Matt and I, along with our church and life group, have been her support here. Her sister Cayla lives here too, so she has been there also. A while ago Caydee asked me if I would be in the delivery room with her, to help take pics and video of the birth for Jason. WOW! I consider this an honor. So Sunday night my phone rang and we were ready to go! I spent Sunday night and the wee hours of Monday morning with Caydee, and at 3:39 am Monday May 7th, Olivia Jane Bell was born! And I got to be there!! Matt was integral in emailing Jason updates and phone numbers. Mom and baby are great! And the good news is Jason will be home Friday or Saturday for a 2 week leave. I am so glad God gives us friends. While some are for times and seasons, some are for forever!!

A date and new things!

2007-04-29T08:49:00.000-06:00

So Jake and I have had a great weekend! Friday night he had a friend over, which was fun for him since Tyler wasn't here. He is always so good to let Tyler hang out with him and his friends, but I think he enjoyed it just being him and his friend. Saturday we went to Olive Garden for lunch. He kept talking about this dessert he thought would be good, so I surprised him at the end and ordered it for the two fo us to share. I wish I would have had a camera to snap a pic of his face when he realized we were getting dessert! We then went and saw "Meet the Robinsons" 3D. It has been nice, although we both admitted that while it has been nice, we both miss Matt and Tyler and can't wait for them to get home. It was nice to hear those words out of Jake's mouth. He almost sounded shocked when he said he missed Tyler! :) We talked about how our family isn't complete until we are all together, the 4 of us. So it has been nice, enjoyable, and now it is time to get back to normal.

The other exciting news is that Mark and Teri have added to their family, and I now have a niece!! She is a 3 year old Akita dog! This might be their only contribution to me, as far as being an aunt. So we are headed over there today to meet Daisy Mae. I will snap a picture and be the proud aunt!!! HA!

The other thing I am so excited about is our friends Adam and Shannon from our Tulsa days are in the process of adopting a baby girl from Guatemala. This week Shannon is in Guatemala spending time with Analise. She doesn't get to bring her home yet, but she did get to be "mommy" for the week. I am so excited for them both! Analise is beautiful and the look on Shannon's face says it all. Pictures say a thousand words! Congrats!!

Another snow day and a great movie!

2007-04-25T20:01:00.000-06:00

Yes, another snow day for the boys!! Only this morning I woke up to completely clear roads, a lot of sun, and a lot of the snow already melting. I have quit trying to figure out why they call snow days and why they don't.

In light of the fact I was home with the boys again, we ventured to the $1 movies. We went and saw "Arthur and the Invisibles". I went into this movie thinking I would go because the boys wanted to see it, but found myself really enjoying it. I thought it would be all cartoon and it wasn't. We left, and Jake immediately said how great it was. It was excellent, and I highly recommend it as a family movie. It is so nice to be able to take the kids to a movie and not worry about what they are going to hear or see, or even what is being implied.

Now they are anticipating Shrek 3 and Spiderman 3! Spidey is one where Matt and I will have to go see it first. They have watched the first two, and seemed to be fine with the intense good vs. evil, but we still need to make sure there are no major things in it that we won't want to them to see.

Summer is a great time for movies!! I am anxious to see what else will be out!

Who gets snow days at the end of April?

2007-04-24T18:53:00.000-06:00

As some of you may have read on Matt's blog, today we had a snow storm! Over on our side of town we had white out conditions for most of the day. It is just now letting up and it is near 7pm. They say there is usually a good snow in March, but May 1 is in one week! It actually was pretty and would have been great in Jan or Feb!

Matt and Tyler are headed out on Thursday until Sunday. Matt is dropping Tyler off at his parents house for a few days and Matt is headed to Lincoln for his fraternity's annual alumni weekend. Many of you probably don't know that Matt started a Christian frat when we were at school at Nebraska Wesleyan. When he started it there were just a handful of guys, but now there are 20+ every year, some years more than that. They have a house they rent, where some of the guys live. This was a God-given idea to Matt and it has since been used to build college men's walk with God as well as occasionally getting some guys to start a relationship with Jesus for the first time. It is something Matt doesn't ever talk about, as far as his involvement in starting it, but I am so proud of him for doing it.

With 2 of the boys gone, that leaves Jake and I home for the weekend. He already has one date night planned. I am looking forward to some one-on-one time with him. Especially since he is getting older, and I am aware there will come a time when he really doesn't want to have a date with me. As he is getting older I am trying to figure out a way to make sure our relationship stays strong. I don't want him leaving home to go to college and never caring if he comes home again and sees me or not. I think open communication is important. Any ideas, thoughts or suggestions? Granted, I have some time to think this through, but the last 9 years have gone by quickly.

Anyway, not much else going on here, other than SNOW! I also heard there were tornadoes in parts of CO and then in the tornado belt of TX, OK and MO. Hmm.....

Happy Things

2007-04-24T01:02:00.000-06:00

So a few posts ago I listed out some of the things that annoy me. Matt and I have joked about how he is behind a lot of them! HA! So I thought I would focus my efforts this time on things that make me happy, in no particular order!

1) Being with Matt and the boys
2) Reading a good book
3) Having lunch or dinner with friends
4) Hearing the boys laugh
5) Hitting golf balls
6) Going out with my honey!
7) Playing cards- especially Pinochle
8) Family night
9) Going to a movie
10) Praising God!!
11) Getting good sleep
12) Finding a good bargain!
13) Having a clean house
14) Going on vacation with Matt
15) Going on vacation with Matt and the boys
16) Getting emails from friends
17) Christmas time
18) Skiing
19) Baking
20) Entertaining good friends

There they are!! I told you I would have a happier post!!

Finally a Normal Weekend?

2007-04-22T19:06:00.000-06:00

It is Sunday night and I am happy to report that we were home all weekend!! I threw a baby shower for a friend, but other than that it was a normal weekend of being home. I just don't know what to do with myself!!

Okay, okay...maybe not totally normal! Thursday night we sold our 4Runner to a couple who called that afternoon, came and drove it and then paid us cash for it! While this was great news for us, it also left us with the issue of being a one car family. I think for a minute Matt thought that might be okay for a while until I reminded him that Tyler needs to be picked up from preschool every day at 11:15, and that he is driving back to Lincoln for a fraternity alumni weekend this coming Thursday. Oh- maybe we should buy a new car. So Friday was spent car looking./shopping, and at the last place we just drove through for the heck of it we found a van we were wanting with everything we wanted in it (except a dvd player which we will have installed tomorrow) for a great price! Friday night we headed out to our pastor's house for a get-together with Jake in the back of the new van. We pulled into their yard to park and all of the sudden we heard the noise that all parents dread hearing- the sound of puke everywhere!!!! IN MY NEW VAN WE HAVE ONLY HAD FOR 2 HOURS!!!! I have since repented that my attitude was so wrong, but that was my reaction! Jake was sick Friday night and Saturday...but I had a baby shower to give for my dear friend Caydee!

After the baby shower we spent the afternoon watching a movie, watching UFC that night and writing some songs with my brother and SIL. And today was great with the family going to hit golf balls and teaching Tyler to ride a bike without training wheels, while Jake was riding his new bike! I know it all seems so boring, but for us, after being busy for months on end, it felt so good. We need more of this kind of life I have decided. Everyone seems so much more content, mom and dad included!! That was my weekend. How was yours?

Realizations

2007-04-17T07:52:00.000-06:00

I have realized lately how blessed Matt and I are here in Colorado. We are very close to my brother and sister-in-law (Mark and Teri), I am able to be here with my dad through his cancer battle, I see my mom and she has been going to church with us, we have an unbelievable church, even more amazing friends, Matt has a good job, the kids are well adjusted and happy- those are my blessings. (not to mention our latest "fraud" story, which you will have to read Matt's blog to find out about)

The last few months I have done a lot of soul searching. I have decided to cut out the things in my life I no longer need nor want. I have decided I need to come to grips with the fact that I don't need other people thinking highly of me to feel good about myself. I have decided that some relationships are one sided and I don't need that. I have decided that sometimes it is better to cut losses and be done. I have decided that I should surround myself with people who appreciate me. I need to be in relationships that are both giving and receiving, not one-sided. I just don't have the energy any more to give and give with nothing in return. I think I am growing old and it is starting to show up in areas like these.

I have also decided that sometimes coming to realizations is not fun or easy, yet necessary. It is especially hard for me, being a people pleaser. Some people you can never please, no matter what you do or what your intentions are. That is hard for me to understand, yet Matt doesn't see what is so hard about it. There are times when I wish I could compartmentalize like Matt does. It would be very helpful, but I just can't do it very well. I went to a conference once and attended a workshop called "Men are like waffles, women are like spaghetti". This is so true. Matt can be upset with someone, yet it doesn't affect any other areas of his life (compartmentalizing). I can be upset and it runs into everything else in my life, not even related to the upsetting issue (spaghetti). So I think it is because I am spaghetti and not a waffle that I have chosen to cut things back or out of my life. I don't know any better way to handle it, and frankly I don't want to anyway.

Annoying Things

2007-04-13T11:20:00.000-06:00

There are just some things in life I cannot stand, and I am out of patience with. These are some of mine, what are yours?

1. People smacking their gum or food.
2. People constantly popping their knuckles.
3. People who are self centered and don't own up to any responsibility.
4. Waking up in the middle of the night and not being able to sleep for a few hours.
5. School cancellations when there is no reason.
6. High gas prices.
7. People who are rude and insensitive.
8. Messy house.
9. Cleaning the messy house and having no one respect the work that was done, and make more messes!
10. The high cost of going out for an evening: sitter, dinner and movie!!
11. Laundry that never ends.
12. Ironing.
13. People who know something is wrong but act like nothing is wrong!
14. Children not obeying and then arguing on top of it.
15. People who talk about you behind your back, yet think you'll never know they did.

Next time I'll do my blessings!! It will be a happier post!

Life in a Nutshell

2007-03-12T08:47:00.000-06:00

Life since I last blogged:

1) Vacation to Cancun for a week- an amazing time!
2) Day before vacation Jake had a bday party and Tyler ended up throwing up.
3) Jake turned 9! Had a family party.
4) My grandpa died at the age of 95, so we had to head to Iowa for the funeral.
5) In between trips we have still had our life group.
6) Dental appointments for all!
7) Tyler had strep.
8) Matt's sister was here for a few weeks.
9) We leave for Washington DC this Thursday.
10) Next Thursday we head up to the mountains to have a family ski trip.
11) Tyler turns 5 on the 25th.
12) Maybe after the 26th, and we are finally home, I will be able to start blogging again.

Birthday Parties Are How Much?

2007-02-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

So Jake turns 9 the 25th of this month. Tyler turns 5 the 25th of March. This means we have birthday party planning to do. So I started pricing out parties-let me just say I am shocked! I had no idea that parties were so expensive. The cheapest party I could find, excluding creating our own, was over $100. That is just too expensive! When did parties become so involved and overindulgent?

So I gave Jake his choice of an expensive party or planning a small party where we would take them to a movie, go to dinner at Olive Garden (his favorite) and coming back to the house for cake, presents and playing. He thought long and hard about it and decided the smaller party is what he wants. I must say that I am proud of his choice. Why is it necessary to invite 10-12 people, whom you rarely talk about or play with, just to celebrate? I think when he thought about it, the smaller more intimate party was what interested him.

Tyler, on the other hand, really wants to have his at Mr. Biggs, the fun center here in town. He can have a pirate party and they can play for 2 hours and do everything they want to do. It is a little more expensive than what Jake's will be, but it will also be his first birthday party, outside of family celebrating with him. He is thrilled he can invite his new friends from school! He also is unable to really think through the process like Jake did. I am also thinking having his party outside my home might be easier, considering we are talking about 4-5 year olds and it is cold here.

Oh the choices! When is enough enough? If you go big the first year, what do you do to top it? We had friends in Oklahoma give us the best idea: one year they can have a big party and the next year just something small with 1-2 friends, alternating yearly. That way they get that dose of reality that everything does not have to big and bigger!

Football is over!

2007-02-05T09:43:00.000-07:00

Have I ever told you that I am a football addict? I love football!! I truly love most sports, but football is my passion, when it comes to sports. I love college football...every Saturday from Labor Day thru the beginning of January is booked for me. I love it so much that Matt actually will leave me watching football and go to the garage because he is sick of it. :) I don't know exactly what it is, but it just gets my blood pumping! Now that we live in an area where there is a pro team nearby, I have really gotten into the NFL. I play on a fantasy football league, and usually do better than most of the guys on the team!

Naturally, we watched the Superbowl last night. It is the first time in a while where I was excited for the big game, and actually liked both teams. However, I really am a fan of Peyton Manning and Tony Dungee. I was very happy that the Colts won, and was more proud this morning when I watched an interview on tv with Tony Dungee. He was asked about being the first black coach to win, and about his coaching style. For those of you who don't know about him, he is known for having a gentle coaching style, and does not yell or use scare tactics. He basically said that he hopes he has proven to people that you can be a great coach with a gentle style. And he hopes he has shown the attitude of Christ in his coaching. His team prays after each game, and last night was no exception. He gave all of the honor and glory to God. His players respect him. Is this not a man to follow? So while I am happy for the Colts, it also makes me sad that I now have to wait until August for football again...

Note of interest: 2 former Iowa Hawkeye players played for the Colts last night! Dallas Clark and Bob Sanders!! And both played well!

My son the future politician!

2007-02-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

I officially have a child who is in politics. Jake was chosen to be his class rep for the student council. We are so excited for him, and he is thrilled. His teacher thinks very highly of him, and thought he would be the perfect choice. He was so adorable when we were discussing the commitment, which is twice a month 7:30am meeting on Mondays. He looked at me and said, "I'll just have to set my alarm for a 1/2 hour earlier and get my things ready the night before." Smart thinking! He has great ideas, and I am sure he will be very valuable to the student council. I think this also will show him some responsibility in something other than cleaning his room!

I have also decided that I now feel old! I have a son on student council! AHH!

Anyway, I needed to brag about my oldest. I am so proud of him. I am hoping this will be a great opportunity for him to experience leadership firsthand. It is interesting how some people, when given the opportunity, make great leaders. But without that opportunity might never have known they were a leader.

Good job Jake!!

I Am A Priority

2007-01-29T14:07:00.000-07:00

I have started a new (revisited) journey in my life. I am on a weight loss journey. I know, everyone is this time of year, and I am one of them. I have been at it a week. I went to the gym 6 out of 7 days and worked out an hour a day. I found a great internet tool to help me track my food and exercise. My first week I lost 3.5 lbs!

This post is actually not about my weight loss, although I am proud of it. What it has taken for me to do this has been putting myself above a lot of other things. I go to the gym the minute all 3 boys head out to school and work. By the time I am home and showered, it is almost time to get Tyler from preschool, which means my mornings are pretty much shot due to working out. I have thought about all of the things I could be getting done in the time I am spending working out, and they are numerous. Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, organizing my home-especially my kitchen. There are actually some of those things I like to do and there is a huge part of me that would prefer to take the time to get things around the house done so I feel better about my life. Then I realized that working out and losing weight does make me feel better about my life. Being in control of me feels great. It is okay if the house doesn't look as good as I would like, if it means I am working out, getting in shape and losing weight.

When do we, especially women, quit being so self-centered and start putting ourselves in last place on the priority chart? This is something I have put on myself. Matt has always supported me in anything I have wanted to try and do, even if it means he helps out more around the house, etc.. I have realized there will always be clothes to wash, dry, iron and put away. There will inevitably be dirt in my home. There will always be something I can organize or reorganize or clean. But who will I be if I can't take a little time to be me, and to take care of me? I have found in the last week that I am a better mom and wife because I have taken time for me, amongst the chaos in my life. I recommend everyone tries it, just once!

Eavsdropping and Laughing

2007-01-22T14:15:00.000-07:00

Okay, since my blog has been so boring lately, I thought I would relay a story from this weekend that had me laughing and laughing and laughing.

Jake is in karate. For Christmas we got him a beginners kit that included several of the "weapons" they use, as well as a DVD on karate and a cup. I, being the wonderful mother that I am, did not address the fact that the kit included a cup or what it was for.

Saturday afternoon I am in the office cleaning. Matt is in Jake's room cleaning out the fish aquarium. Jake comes up and is having a casual conversation with Matt. I am not even sure how they started talking about it, but I overhear Matt telling Jake he needs to start wearing his cup to karate. He says he does not have one, and Matt tells him that he does and that it came with his kit. He goes and gets it and then proceeds to tell Matt "Oh, I thought that was for my elbow!" The conversation then continues on with a lesson on how to use it, which was rather comical to listen to. Boxers, briefs or wearing it without...AHHH!!

Once Jake went downstairs I came out of the office, took one look at Matt and laughed until I was crying. These are definitely life lessons, and necessary, but boy did Jake make it funny without even knowing it. And it made me more thankful for my husband.

Prognosis: Better Than I Expected

2007-01-18T14:13:00.000-07:00

Well, we finally have a diagnosis and prognosis for my dad. He does have large cell non hodgkins lymphoma. It has spread throughout his body and into his spleen. The good news is that they are starting chemo treatments next week. They say with the first treatment sometimes it can shrink enough to relieve the pain, which would be wonderful for him. He will have one day of chemo each month for 6 months. He has about a 50% chance of making it through this and living for 5+ years. This prognosis has given him hope again, which is vitally important. We also don't feel quite so frantic with how long he will be here. The likelihood is that if the chemo doesn't put him in remission that he at least has a year if not longer. This is a relief as we were thinking it could have been months. I appreciate your prayers. It will be a long road ahead of us, but the road is looking better than what we thought it could have been.

Thanks again for your kind words and prayers. Maybe now I can get back to blogging normal things!

Tomorrow is the big day!

2007-01-17T18:22:00.000-07:00

Just a quick update on my dad for those of you wondering where we are with all of it:

He has had a PET scan done and had a biopsy done Monday. Tomorrow we will find out the whole diagnosis and what treatment options are available. It has been 2 weeks ago today that we all found out, but it sure seems like a lot longer. And while this is what we have all waited for, real results, we almost don't want them. It is a weird feeling.

He is in pain most of the time. The pain moving around between his chest, back and stomach.

It has been an interesting roller coaster to be on, as I have no idea what to do or how to do this. I am not even sure what "this" is, other than I know part of it is grief, part of it is fear and the rest is????

Most days I do well and go at the whole thought of this all very logically. And a few days, one in particular, I lost it and the sadness took over.

I will let everyone know what Thursday brings. Sorry for the lack of posting, but right now I just don't know what else to blog about.

Time Apart

2007-01-16T12:46:00.000-07:00

This weekend Matt headed to Arizona to see his grandparents as well as a group of great friends from Tulsa. I stayed home this trip. Matt's mom came to see the boys.

By the time Friday rolled around I was really ready for Matt to get out of town for a few days. I am not saying I wanted him to stay there forever, but I did realize that it was good for me, as well as him, that we had a break from each other. I think this is good for a marriage, at least one where you are together a lot adn enjoy being together a lot.

I spent Friday night at my dad's just hanging out and talking. It was nice. As much as I love Matt being there and as much as my family loves Matt, I treasured my time with my dad and stepmom alone, with no one else. Saturday I went and got a massage and had lunch with my SIL Teri. We had a great time. Saturday night I went to dinner with 2 great friends and talked until they kicked us out of the restaurant.

Could I have done all of these things if Matt would have been home? Yes. Would I have felt as free and enjoyed them as much? No. I feel refreshed and was more than anxious for Matt to get home last night. I think he felt the same way.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder! Right?

Eggs and Family Time

2007-01-11T08:25:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the delayed posting. My life has been turned on end as of late and blogging didn't interest me, nor did I feel like I had much to blog about. However, I am hoping it will become a nice distraction!

Last night Matt and I started a new "experience". We have now dubbed Wednesday nights "Family Night". We brought the boys in from playing outside and informed them of this. They seemed unsure but excited. We then topped off our take and bake pizza and popped it in the oven so it could cook while we did our devotional. I found 2 really neat family devotionals from Focus on the Family that are fun and very kid friendly. One of them is all science experiments! So last night we started with eggs and the theme "God's protection".

The boys got to try to break the egg (over a bowl) with their bare hands. Of course they could not do it, but loved the whole process of trying. We then talked about God'd protection and how he protects us like the egg protects the baby chick. Tyler response was priceless when he tried to wrap his brain around the fact the inside of an egg a chick is being "cooked" to be born! Jake read a Bible passage and we talked about that. It is amazing his comprehension!! WOW! We opened up with prayer, ended with prayer and then dug into our pizza. After that we played Big Trouble for about 45 minutes.

The boys had a great time. Matt and I really truly enjoyed ourselves. We did this because life just seems to get busier and busier. And while I love the fact that they self-entertain very well, and will play outside for hours, that does not mean that we shouldn't take time out to just be together as a family, with no one else around, no phone calls and no tv. The whole process was not quite 2 hours, but for their hearts it was much more than that. They even were asking what next week's lesson would be and what they would get to do. So if your kids are old enough, I really recommend doing this. As they get older it will only be harder to do something like this, so do it now and make it a pattern for your family while they want to and they look forward to it.

An unexpected Start to 2007

2007-01-02T23:13:00.000-07:00

Well, we made it through Christmas. We made it to 2007! My holiday decorations are down and I am trying to get organized for the upcoming year. I have a huge list of what things to do, which sometimes can be overwhelming. I was thinking of getting paint on walls, organizing my kitchen, getting the boys' rooms clean and organized, and then it was all put into perspective for me:

My dad was diagnosed today with malignant lymphoma. Basically cancer in his lymph nodes. WHOA!! A shock to say the least. My head hurts from the tears. I hurt seeing the rest of my family hurt. And then I crawled into the bathtub tonight and gave it to God. He is the healer. He gives us the peace and strength to get through this. I have never been more thankful to be in Colorado and close to my family. Not only to be here for dad, but to be here for my brother and sister-in-law. Right now I have an amazing calm about me.

Will my walls get painted? Will my kitchen get organized? If it does- GREAT- and if not, it only means there are bigger and better things I am investing my time in. Family. Isn't that what life is truly about anyway?

We don't have a lot of details yet. But I will continually keep you all posted. Hopefully we will know something this week, regarding stages it's in and treatment options. But we would all appreciate your prayers, and I thank you for them in advance.

Snowed in and loving it!

2006-12-22T08:37:00.000-07:00

As you all have heard, we got an early Christmas present here in Colorado! SNOW!! And lots of it! The whole town, including Denver and the surrounding airports, have been closed for 2 days. No mail, no UPS, no shopping...but I have loved it. Today things reopen, and we will begin to thaw out a little as the sun is out. It isn't supposed to be warm, but the sun will melt things a little. In our back yard we have over 36 inches!! It is amazing.

It was fascinating to watch, as the snow didn't quit for over 24 hours. Then you add in the wind speeds, which sustained 30+ mph, with gusts from 50-70 mph. I truly don't mind being snowed in for a day or two! We took advantage of being home and wrapped all of the presents, watched a Christmas movie with the boys, and just hung out. I realized this morning that I am pretty calm and relaxed going into the holidays, after having 2 days off to hang out and get things done around here. I will head out today to finish up a few small things, but nothing big. My shopping was done a while ago, with Matt and I finishing up on Monday.

I realize the snow has screwed up a lot of families' Christmas's. Some won't make it home in time, as United Airlines alone canceled over 2000 flights. I realize that some won't receive their packages in time, even the ones who paid extra to have it expedited. But for me, the snow was a gift for Christmas. Nothing puts me more in the mood for Christmas than snow. It pulls it all together.

If I don't make it back to my blog before Christmas, Merry Christmas everyone. Have a blessed holiday season. My Christmas letters are on their way, but who knows when you will get them, in light of the mess here with USPS. Enjoy your family and friends as you celebrate. We are so looking forward to being with family and having a nice relaxing day. And as over used as the saying is, it still is true: always remember the reason for the season! Jesus Christ!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!

My Favorite Time of Year

2006-12-15T14:33:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned I love Christmas?

Today I went to Tyler's Christmas program at preschool. He was so cute! (I will post pics later)
Yesterday I baked all day. I will bake more tomorrow.
Tonight is Matt's work party.
Tomorrow night is my brother and SIL's party.
Sunday night we head to the zoo to see their million+ light display with some friends.
Monday Matt and I head out to finish up the odds and ends I saved for us to do.
Tuesday-Friday I am home. I will wrap presents, watch Christmas movies, and listen to Christmas cd's.
Christmas weekend we have 2 different Christmas's. I bought a chocolate fountain for Christmas Eve. We will do that and have sparkling cider with the boys. The boys get to open up one gift on Christmas Eve. I always wrap up a book as well, which we then read before bed.

I have been busy, but I love it! Christmas just makes me feel warm and fuzzy. I love being with family. I love giving gifts to those I love! (guess what my love languauge is?)

Christmas day will be spent opening presents, having a nice breakfast, watching movies, playing games and cards, attempting a 3D puzzle...what are you doing?

It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas!

2006-11-27T08:53:00.000-07:00

Thanksgiving is now over, company has gone home, and it's starting to look a lot like Christmas around here. We had a great holiday. Enjoyed the company of Matt's parents, saw "Happy Feet" and "Deck the Halls", ate too much food, went out shopping at a ridiculous hour the day after and am now getting ready to get the tree up. Matt was out on the roof Saturday getting Christmas lights up. I am now, more than ever, ready for Christmas.

For whatever reason, maybe from inspiration from my mom who started playing Christmas music in September when I was a kid, Christmas is my favorite holiday. It makes me smile. It gives me warm fuzzies. I just like it. Gifts is one of my love languages, so maybe that is involved. Not so much the getting (although that is good) but the giving. I love the process of figuring out the best gift for each person. I love the decorating. I love sitting by the fire and the tree all lit up and relaxing. I love the baking.

Last year we were packing up a house and moving, so Christmas was not what I liked or wanted. This year is so much different, and we are all thrilled. I think Matt might even be getting in the Christmas spirit. So my goal for today is to get the tree up with lights so tonight the boys and I can decorate it. I am sure I will have stories to report.

I hope you all had a great Thaksgiving. We did. And now on to Christmas!!!!!

PS- For a great story about what the boys want to get me, head to Matt's blog!! You will get a good laugh! www.mbbarrett.blogspot.com

Thanksgiving

2006-11-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

I have my turkey in my fridge thawing. My in-laws arrive late this afternoon. I've made my 2 hour grocery trip to Walmart. I cleaned like a mad-woman yesterday and will finish up today, probably as my in-laws are walking in. My hubby is done working at noon tomorrow, for the week. My pies are ordered and can be picked up tomorrow. The dog is groomed. Laundry is going.

The question is: why do we allow one Thursday where people are off of work and where we eat a ton of food to make us crazy with projects to do? Christmas is a process, but Thanksgiving? It is one day.

What are you doing for the big day? What are your traditions? Favorite foods?

We really don't have any traditions we do every year. We will be spending it with Matt's parents and my mom and her friend Tom. We will be watching the Broncos that evening, eating leftover turkey sandwiches on yummy buns (my favorite part of Thanksgiving food, along with pie). We will have a table set up with a puzzle for people to work on. We have the standards for food, and that is great with me. Green bean casserole, mashed taters, corn...but I am trying a new fruit salad this year. It is a jello with lemon, orange, apple and cranberries. We will see. So, considering the day ahead of me, I should get to it.

So Happy Turkey day everyone!! Enjoy your day!!

PS- the best part of Thanksgiving is that my hubby will let me put up the Christmas tree and he gets to put up the lights!!

I'm Back and I'm Now 32!

2006-11-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, okay...I have taken a break from blogging. And while a lot has gone since I last blogged, I have been too busy to tell you about it. I am now done with my temporary job at the church, which helps out a ton in the time area, so I am ready to get back to filling you all in on my odd thoughts and the events of the Barrett's lives.

So I will start with "now" and then take the next week or two to fill you in on the last month and a half.

I turned 32 yesterday. I had a great day. It started with our Saturday being spent with my brother and SIL, Mark and Teri. We watched the great college football game of the year - Ohio State v. Michigan. FUN!! (Have I mentioned I love college football?) Later that night we got UFC on payperview and watched Matt Hughes lose his title. I love sports and I love hanging out with Mark and Teri, so it was a good day.

Yesterday, my actual bday, we went to church and then went to my dad and stepmom's for tacos and ice cream pie. Yummy food, fun conversation. Then came home, took a little nap in front of the NFL on my tv, to only wake up to my mom and Tom coming over for homemade pizza, presents, and Dairy Queen ice cream cake. WOW! My mom told me she hasn't spent a bday with me in 15 years!! All told, I got a massage from my boys, a giftcard to a spa, flowers, cool pampered chef pieces, a Precious Moments...I am blessed. But I don't consider myself simply blessed b/c of the gifts. I consider myself blessed b/c I was finally able to with my family on my bday. It meant a lot to me. Most touching- it meant a lot to everyone else.

I love living here in Colorado!

I Am Not Pregnant and We're Going to Disney World!

2006-10-05T14:38:00.000-06:00

I know, it has been over a week since I last posted. I am truly sorry! Life has been so busy. I have started working part time at our church, so that takes up time. Then when I am home I am trying to keep up with the clothes, meals, cleaning the house....I honestly don't know how people work full time jobs and keep up with everything else!!

We leave a week from today for our much anticipated trip to Disney World! It all began with Jake when he was small. Papa (Matt's dad) told him that once he filled his piggy bank that he would take him to Mickey Mouse. So back in 2001, while I was 5 months pregnant we all went to Disney with Jake. The same deal was made with Tyler. That kid has been beyond dilligent in saving any money he can find. In fact, I have had to hide my money for fear it will end up in his piggy bank. The bank is filled and we are headed to sunny Florida next Thursday for 5 days! The excitement is building in our home.

I have yet to go to Disney World when I wasn't pregnant. I am looking forward to this trip! The first time we went, we planned the trip very far in advance, going with Matt's parents, sister and the two of us. OOPS!! Baby is on the way and tickets are bought. The second time was when we took Jake and I was prego with Tyler. This time I am good to go! I am so excited. And it is so fun to see how thrilling and new this whole experience is for Tyler. The challenge was convincing him that we were not taking his piggy bank with us. He made the comment that it was very heavy and who would carry it. Going to the bank is on my list of things to do in the next week!

What are your favorite things to do at Disney? How many times have you been? Who would have thought that a mouse would become so popular??

Sick Day

2006-09-27T08:38:00.000-06:00

I am taking a sick day today, even though I really do not have a job to call in sick to. For the past 5 days I have had a horrible cough that has not let up. I woke up this morning with my throat burning from the coughing, my ear hurts and my head hurts. NOT FUN! Oh ya, the best part? I lost my voice too!

So instead of going to the church to finish my training there, Matt took Tyler to preschool and I am home. Once I finish this post I will be in bed. Even though there are lots of things to do around here, I am trying to do what is best for me and not what I really want or need to be doing. This also brings to mind my latest venture in life. I am feeling grown up as of late b/c I have decided to try to learn to drink hot tea. It feels wonderful on my throat and has no calories in comparison to hot chocolate (which I love). I have become fond of the triple berry zinger tea. I am really enjoying it. I don't like coffee but enjoy the experience, especially this time of year, of having a warm drink in hand with good conversations with friends.

Not having a voice will prove challenging. Matt had to talk to Tyler and tell him mommy couldn't talk and if he needed me today he would need to come and find me since I won't be able to answer him. I went downstairs to get some tea and he had this funny look on his face. He hugged my legs and said he felt bad for me. Then asked Matt if I would have to go to the hospital! Kids!

How To Eat Fried Worms

2006-09-25T14:08:00.000-06:00

There is no school today for the boys. In order to keep the sanity and also have some fun for the day off, I took the boys to the movie "How To Eat Fried Worms". For those of you moms who have boys, it is a must see and such a reality. For those of you who have girls, you should go see it to appreciate girls!! :)

It was a cute movie. Tyler even watched the whole thing without asking when it was going to be over. I think the whole thought of having to eat 10 worms in one day and the bet was worth the watching for both of my boys. We then had a talk on the way home about bets and the meaning of the movie. Comical, to say the least. I just wanted to make sure they knew that eating worms is not allowed!

So it has got me thinking...what is something outrageous you have done or what crazy bets have you made? The only one I can think of for me, because I am not adventurous, is in college I ate a baked cricket for extra credit in zoology. Oddly enough it did not have much flavor at all. But I have seen the food channel shows where bugs are considered a very fancy meal in some countries. I don't think I could do it. My stomach is a little quesy now from watching the movie.

Colorado Happiness

2006-09-21T13:03:00.000-06:00

I do not know where all of you live....I know where some of my readers live...which means I do not know the forecast for your area over the next few days. Here in Colorado it is amazing. The temps at night have been dipping low enough for jackets and closed windows. It really feels like fall. Yesterday the forecast for the mountains was SNOW!! In fact, they recommend being cautious should you choose to drive into the mountains this weekend. So this morning we wake up to find the most amazing view from the front of our house. SNOW! It did not snow in the Springs, which means we could see the amazing sight but we didn't have to feel it nor scoop the drive way, but the mountains were covered in snow and it was breath taking.

I am finding myself so happy in my life. This does not mean everything goes perfect every day, but it does mean I love my life. And while I believe being happy about life is a choice, I do believe in things, places and people making it easier to be happy. I love it here in Colorado. I love the weather, the casualness (is that a word- Noelle or Betsy?), the people, the things to do, the overall lifestyle...I feel like this for the first time in a long time. Sure, I miss seeing some friends from the various places we have lived, but I would not trade this for the world. And while I am so glad I am closer to family, that is not the only thing I love about being here. I feel thrilled to live in this beautiful state. I am thrilled my husband has a good job that gives him plenty of vacation and has more "normal" hours, which in turn means we have more family time. I am beyond thrilled that we have found an amazing church and are meeting wonderful people!!! I am thrilled that in the winter we can drive for just about 2 hours or so and go skiing with our boys for just a day or two and it is not a major vacation. I am so glad that our whole family loves to go hiking and enjoys being outdoors. The list goes on...

So what is stopping you? Why don't you come for a visit?

Dreams Come True

2006-09-08T12:15:00.000-06:00

I know, I know...I have left you all high and dry for quite some time. I do have a good reason, which I will share with you in my list of life's events as of late:

1) Dream # 1 came true for me when I had Lasek surgery done last week. I have wanted to do this for so long, and finally found a good doctor at a reasonable price and my hubby said to go for it. I had to have the more intense surgery b/c my corneas were too thin for the simple lasik, but this is the better surgery in the long run. After a few days of discomfort, and a few more days of discomfort I am now feeling much better. Not 100% vision yet, but that could take another week or so before I am at 20/20. That is precisely why I have not blogged. I am still seeing the computer screen a little blurry now, imagine last week!

2) As I type this my second dream is coming true. There are delivery guys here delivering our new KING SIZE sleep comfort bed!!! I am so excited!! After 12+ years of not sleeping very well, with a husband who tosses and turns A LOT, in a queen size bed, we have taken the plunge into the bigger bed! We both think we might sleep until noon tomorrow!! Oh wait- we have kids!!

3) Jake started karate. After night one he wanted to quit. After night two he decided he loved it. He is also learning self control. He is learning, by watching other kids, that he cannot talk whenever he wants to (which is a lot!).

4) My hubby is headed to Texas on Tuesday for a business trip. He then heads to Iowa to have a weekend of golf and football with his dad. I am excited for him to have this time. He hasn't had time to do anything like this in a long time. Not to mention I am jealous he gets to go to a college football game! (that's another post for another day)

5) While Matt is gone his mom, Margie, is coming to stay with me and the boys. I am so excited for her to come here. She hasn't seen the new house yet, and my house always looks much better after she leaves, b/c she has always helped me get my house decorated. So I am looking forward to a week of fabric, decrations and guaranteed laughs!

6) We had our first non-family party here on Labor Day. It was a good time. We learned when you have 16 adults not to include children! ( Have I mentioned we are DONE having kids?)

7) We start our life group for church this Sunday. We are going to start with s study called "Speak Wisely". It should be good. I am not nervous, but anxious a little...will anyone come, will it go as we want it to, will we have a good group of people...I'll let you know Monday!

That's my life as of late. Have a great weekend everyone!!